the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, March 24, 2006

Sheepdip? Does it come in ranch?

While digging through bookcases tonight, I came across a script from my 11th grade play, The Curious Savage. My character was Mrs. Paddy, a harmlessly insane woman who won't speak except to list the things that she hates, apropos of nothing.

Do you think, in retrospect, that I should have been insulted by the character's description? Did I get the part because Mr. Q knew I wouldn't be as pissed off as the other girls? You be the judge. The script says, upon Mrs. Paddy's first appearance onstage:

...Mrs. Paddy enters and stands at doorway R. She is a dumpy, middle-aged woman of awesome ferocity. Her close-cropped hair bristles from her head with aggressive hostility.

I was told it was my ability to clearly deliver long and complicated lines, but I have to wonder if it was instead because I either fit the description, or wouldn't be upset about it.

To be fair, though, the few lines I had were rather lengthy and complex. My first line was:

"I hate everything in the world, but most of all, I hate cold cream, hot dogs, codfish, crawfish, catfish, catnip, sheepdip, sawdust, subways, sewers, skewers, buttermilk, caterpillars, frictions, fractions, pins, puns, pens, policemen and electricity."

And also, to be even more fair, there was no casting me in anything but a terribly odd character role - I finally was able to admit to myself, years later, that I have all the acting ability and brilliant delivery of a snail on downers.

For the record, I do not hate crawfish.

Where am I going with this? Fuck if I know. Maybe there's been a little too much tequila in the mix lately.

Here. Have a drink. Then I'll make perfect sense to you.

Margarita blur

16 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger eclectic said...

I'll have some tequila, please. And thanks for offering!

***slamming margarita***

You're right -- you make perfect sense now.

12:27 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Make mine a gin and tonic (Tangueray 10, please)...

SOCIABLE! (chug)

*burp* hated POLICEMEN in this play? Even with handcuffs? That's SO not right.

1:48 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Candy said...

I dont drink tequlia but I put a cat on my head and then read it again and it made total sense.

So just go get some pussy on your face and everything will be more clear.

3:00 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Cincy Diva said...

When I was in the 11th grade, my choir teacher dragged me off a school bus to get me to audition for the school play. She knew in an instant that I was the only person for that role. It was Hysterium in Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. Don't be flattered.

7:45 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky, I remember the Curious Savage. Of course, my favorite part was yours. You did deliver your lines well.

But it bothers me that you put down your acting talent. Seems I remember another girl who was in this play. You felt sorry for her and invited her over many times.

Now there was a chick who thought she could sing and act. Quite delusional, really.

Well, too early for tequila for me. But when did it ever take drink to help me understand one of your posts?

8:11 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

That is a pretty complicated line and you are very talented for being able to utter it.

Don't worry about future roles. When I open my film studio one of these days, there will be plenty of parts for you to pick from.

8:14 AM, March 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gawd. Its 8:45 a.m. and I'm thinking that empty glass is looking mighty inviting.

9:51 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh man... someone drank my morning margarita already?! Shit...

time to spike the cocoa...

9:56 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

I'm with the squirlie girl. It used to frighten me, but I have accepted it: you always make perfect sense to me (well, almost always, and almost perfect :)

9:58 AM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Phoebe Fay said...

She is a dumpy, middle-aged woman of awesome ferocity. Her close-cropped hair bristles from her head with aggressive hostility.

Replace middle-aged with old, and that description is my new goal for my later years. Screw purple with a red hat that does not suit. I want hair bristling with aggressive hostility!

I'm sure you were awesome, Bucky. And at least you got speaking parts. I had so much acting talent, they made me stage manager.

12:12 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Eclectic - tequila is the great equalizer.

Jim - I never said I hated the handcuffs. Although it mentions crawfish, and eel in a later line, so much of it was a pack of lies, anyway.

Jess - Sure, it's great for clarity, but isn't that whole "pussy on your face" thing corrosive?

Cincy Diva - oh, I had a blast in this play! And make no mistake - I showed up rip roarin' drunk every performance night. Good times!

Squirl - funny you should mention "Jennifer" (not her real name, but the name she desperately wanted to be hers). Her scribblings are in my script, too - I must've let her borrow it after I memorized my, um, five lines. Boy was she one emoting ball of neuroses!

Zombie - why do I get the impression your movie roles will require less speaking and more thrusting?

Jes - Last perfect margarita I had was big enough for us ALL to have a drink on it.

CKelli - you know, we can always order more margaritas. My credit is good here. Hey, why are they cutting up my Visa?

Susie - if it ever starts to make total sense, you should worry.

Phoebe Fay - I just wish I'd gone for Mammy Yokum when my high school did L'il Abner. A hillbilly woman with a shotgun at her side and a song on her toothless lips? I am so there.

1:01 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I was once "the newspaper boy" and once "Santa's helper" back 2.59 million years ago. To this day I've never actually delivered a paper, nor have I helped Santa...despite all of that experience.

4:22 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

and I'll have a cuba libre here - btw, I finally posted my face online - seemed like an appropriate way tio celebrate a year of blogging.


7:10 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger MrsDoF said...

It's been a long, long time since I have wanted a drink--but doggone it, that one is tempting. Must be the lime.

3:16 PM, March 26, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

I’ll have vodka and tonic—or perhaps a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.

So, Bucky, did your costume include close-cropped hair that bristled from your head with aggressive hostility?

Woman, I’ll bet that you were brilliant in the part and not for any of the suck-ass reasons you give. You were brilliant because it is in your nature to be brilliant, creative, and artistic. Not to mention that you are one hell of a ham and your relished the applause!

9:08 PM, March 26, 2006  
Blogger Nina said...

You don't hate crawfish? It is that sucking head and eating tail thing . . . aint it?

3:45 PM, March 27, 2006  

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