the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


"Castration" is such an ugly word. Kinda makes your naughty bits shrivel up inside you just to see it written, huh, guys?

I hadn't seriously considered taking this unpleasant step with my kittens until they were at least six months old. However, when Friday was caught in flagrante delicto with an alluring and in-heat Nala last weekend, the timetable for the operation became "as soon as possible." I brought him into my room and scolded his horny little ass. "I thought you were a gayboy!" He refused to specifically answer any questions about his sexual preference, and all I got out of him was his patented, defiant, fuck you mommy glare. (For the record, and to everyone's great relief, Nala is not "with kittens" from this abrupt courtship)

After talking to the vet's office, I decided that today would be the best day to bring them in for the snippage. They must've sensed something was afoot, because I looked over by my bed last night and saw Friday mounting Thirteen with the urgency of a sailor who's been out to sea for too long. Of course, I broke it up - I've no objection to gay cat sex, but incest is right out. Can't really blame the little guy, though, for wanting to take his nuts for one last spin around the block. A farewell to nards.

Both boys were strangely subdued when I took them in this morning, as if they'd resigned themselves to their fate. Even the rectal thermometer didn't cause as much thrashing as usual. And the kittens didn't seem to mind, either. I felt terrible leaving them at the office, but I knew it was a necessary step in their lives, and there was nothing for it but to go home and recover some of the sleep I'd lost while they were pinballing all over my room last night.

I picked them up a little after four this afternoon, and nearly $500 later, they had booster shots, rabies shots, microchips, pain meds, and empty nutsacks. Friday has been sleeping pretty steadily since I let him out of the carrier, but Thirteen is nearly as feisty as he is on days when he hasn't had his testicles removed. When I took him out of the carrier and put him on the bed, he immediately began to purr and play, biting, clawing, climbing, toy chasing - he even went over and started rabbit kicking Friday in the head (revenge, I would guess, for last night's attempted buttsex). This post has taken me even longer than usual to write, as Thirteen has been on my lap for much of the time, putting in his two cents' worth by smacking the numeric keypad at every opportunity (I believe that 000000000323240....0000000, roughly translated, means my mommy sucks).

The recovery looks to be off to a promising start for both kitties, but I ask you all to light a candle tonight, in memory of The Ghosts of Gonads Past.

17 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to see you heeded Bob Barker's words.

10:20 PM, January 10, 2007  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

/candle lit for teh nards
//better make it two

10:26 PM, January 10, 2007  
Blogger Kranki said...

They both need their own tiny bag of frozen peas...

11:09 PM, January 10, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

My thoughts are with Friday & Thirteen. So are Alex’s, who went through the procedure 2 years ago.

11:33 PM, January 10, 2007  
Blogger Madame D said...

Well, it's better than the alternative, but still sucks for them! Hope Friday feels better fast.

12:32 AM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

Sometimes the snippage is necessary.

I love Thirteen's revenge. :)

9:01 AM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger MilkMaid said...


1:48 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Candles are lit and a ceremonial moment of silence is in place.

4:01 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

How many times have we had the "safe sex" talk?? You know, if they're not going to use condoms, what choice did you have?

6:01 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Hemlock - his word is like the gospel to me. COME ON DOWN!

M_D - I agree - double candles for the loss of four nuts.

Kranki - Do you think the brussel sprouts will do just as well?

SS Nick - best not to mention it to Alex - I'm sure it's a painful memory.

Madame D - both boys are running around the house like they didn't both lose their jewels yesterday, so I see speedy recovery.

Squirl - you'd have to know my kittens would come up with colorful revenge.

MilkMaid - I did get some sleepy, dirty looks when I brought the boys home.

Bone - how about a moment of howling? In memory of the testicles...

Eclectic - I couldn't find Trojans in their size, and they could never apply them without claw holes anyway.

8:46 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Crap. Now where did I put my ceremonial moment of silence? It was JUST HERE...

10:11 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger dmmgmfm said...

It is as if they know what's coming (or going in this case). Goober, my male cat, was openly weeping when I took him in to be snip-snipped. His depression didn't last long and he was frolicking about the house within hours of his return home. Here's wishing your boys return to health and vigor in record time.

10:52 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

It's the right thing to do. Fiero has lit the 2 candles next to his own completely melted one.

11:19 PM, January 11, 2007  
Blogger Lori Denine and her cat said...

I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on two weeks ago. I was dragging my gonads on Hunter's pillow when all of a sudden Lori was calling for Amanda and all they did was laugh and point whatever that thing was coming out. It wasn't funny! "It" annoyed me for 3 days and so Amanda called c-snip. 35.00 later I slept for two days and now...

No more pillow rubbin' and I'm back to playing with my blue plastic milk jug ring and rubber ball.

That is all.

Oliver T. Kittie

12:27 AM, January 12, 2007  
Blogger Lori Denine and her cat said...

couldn't figure out what the hell was going on two weeks ago. I was dragging my gonads on Hunter's pillow when all of a sudden Lori was calling for Amanda and all they did was laugh and point at whatever that thing was coming out. Then it's like...

"awww...he doesn't know what's going on..."

It wasn't funny! "It" annoyed me for 3 days and so Amanda called c-snip. 35.00 later I slept for two days and now...

No more pillow rubbin'

That is all.

Oliver T. Kittie

12:30 AM, January 12, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Sure, a moment of howling will be fine. I'll keep my legs crossed until this period of genitalia mutilation has sufficiently passed.

11:17 AM, January 12, 2007  
Blogger Maven said...

Empty Nutsack = Empty Wallet.

11:51 AM, January 15, 2007  

Post a Comment

<< Home