the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Let's get down to the worm

Hola, amigos, and welcome to Cinco de Mayo. Today should be a day full of tequila and salsa for all y'all. And all those other foods one shouldn't eat on a first date.

Since I am not Mexican, have never been Mexican, and could not possibly be mistaken for Mexican, I feel like kind of a phony celebrating this holiday. And I still can't figure out how they make it fall on the 5th of May every year. Astounding, really...

So, in the interest of not bein' phony, 'cause we're all about keepin' it real at the Cotillion, I have altered the holiday just a bit for my own purposes.

Ladies, gentlemen, and the people who are actually here, I give you Kinko de Mayo. It's a day when I feel free to drink copious amounts of tequila, then act on all my kinkiest urges. Chances are, before the night is over, I may find myself in the lovin' embrace of some hairy transvestite named Salad Man. Who knows what the doctors will have to extract from my rectum in the morning? Hell, I like a surprise as much as the rest of y'all.

I urge all of you to join me in celebrating the joy of weird sexual urges, drinkin' lots of tequila, and actin' on those urges. And, please, don't be stingy with your descriptive comments!

Note: I thought I was actually bein' original with "Kinko de Mayo" but then I googled it, and I guess I'm not so very clever. Well, fuck it. I'm not thinkin' up another post now. You may lick my unoriginal ass, and then you may thank me for the new taste treat.

36 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger whfropera said...

actually, one the hosts at the radio station last night stated he was going to celebrate "Psycho de Mayo".
I'm liking the kinky version better.

9:25 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

OK, Opera gal's onboard.

Anybody else wanna ride the Kink Train and tell us about it here? Details, people, we need details.

Even if you gotta make 'em up!

9:35 AM, May 05, 2005  
Anonymous LadyBug said...

"And I still can't figure out how they make it fall on the 5th of May every year."

Just a few years ago - I shit you not - Deputy Dad asked me, "What day is Thanksgiving on this year?"

I thought he was joking. He was not.

After I finished looking at him like he was utterly and completely retarded, I said, "Thursday. It's always on Thursday."

"Really?"

I had a HUGE laugh at his expense. And again, when I told his parents. And each time I re-tell that story (it's one of my favorites), I laugh some more.

9:37 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

Real life experience: Got felt up by ex-fiance in ex-boyfriend's car while on a date with ex-boyfriend... who was still in the car... driving.

Cinco de Mayo is our first anniversary of him grazin the fun bags!

Hey Squirl - remember hearin about that one?

Squirl really does have a "shut the fuck up" face. After 10 days of dumping the old and bringin in the new she was getting really good at that pained grimace.

9:44 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

LadyBug - Poor Deputy Dad! I hope he's at least pretty...

Kitty - I knew you would not disappoint! Of course, that story could be taken to an even kinkier level, but I understand if a girl doesn't wanna be dp'd and tell.

Squirl - sorry 'bout your "shut the fuck up" face. But you know I never will shut the fuck up, so I hope you don't mean me!

9:50 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

i lost my vi****nity to identical twins.

10:06 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger jules said...

Hola Chica! happy kinko de mayo!

10:08 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Umm ... since you can only lose it once per orifice, wtf ... you'll have to clarify ...

I'd sooo love to play this game ... but sadly, cannot. But they also serve who only sit and cheer ...

10:12 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Kinko De Mayo? Do they make copies in Spanish?

As if anyone would pay attention to my shut the fuck up face anyway. :-)

10:24 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

Nilbo - and your imagination - it went where? ok, it wasn't THAT kinky, but for a 17 year old, it was still...interesting.

10:26 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Jules - hope your day is a kin-kay as can be!

Nilbo - would you be in trouble if we made up stories for you?

Opera gal - oh, I think that's interesting for more than a 17-year-old. Twins, huh? Not just a male fantasy anymore...

Squirl - I may have heeded your shut the fuck up face when I was five, but that was probably the last time. And even then, it was dicey.

10:31 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Greenthumb said...

where's the line for the new taste treat?

when I read that the first time I read: You may lick my unoriginal ass, and then you may SPANK me for the new taste treat.

whfropera: one word...Sweeeeet!!!!

10:43 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

I prefer syrup.

10:49 AM, May 05, 2005  
Anonymous mrtl said...

I don't think I'll be able to read your blog again without hearing you reading it to me.

Happy Kinky de Mayo!

11:41 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Please feel free to make up anything you want, Bucky. It all just adds to the legend.

11:48 AM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

Dude, I am soooo finding some identical twins tonight and pretending to be a virgin. It's my newest mission.

My kinko de mayo treat will be a heaping bowl of asselsauce. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm.

11:58 AM, May 05, 2005  
Anonymous LadyBug said...

Bucky, he's quite purty. And not generally prone to bouts of stupidity like that. That was a pretty isolated incident. Which is, really, what made it so funny.

12:00 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Spoonie .. just do what I do .. drink till you see double. Much easier to accomplish and less chance of rejection. Especially if your target is also drinking.

12:03 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I must plead, er, drink the fifth on this one. The world is small and my clients are in it. Two of them have visited my blog already. You have my proxy to make up very kinky stories about me. And to incorporate bubble wrap, chocolate, Johnny Depp and a ping pong paddle, or you know, whatever comes to mind, not that I've ever considered those particular things in combination, I was just sort of glancing around the room and giving examples of things that one might put into such a story...what? yea, Johnny Depp is here...

12:04 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Large red strawberries. Altoids. Hot tea. Smokey Robinson CD.

12:15 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

BFE: I am, nothing if not original. ;)

Spoonie: my work here is done.
:)

Greenie: I highly recommend it.

Nilbo won the "who can read the archives and answer today's opera quiz" contest - I realized it was somewhat unfair since the photo was out of focus, so I had to drop a hint.

client ass-kicking has revved into 3rd gear today - wish me luck.

12:19 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

Susie, Johnny Depp and his twin are mine... all mine.

12:21 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

... and both of them would prefer Greenie. Or so Johnny said ...

2:00 PM, May 05, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nilbo, I've WARNED YOU before.

Seriously. I will CUT YOU.

P.S. - Johnny Depp is SO not gay.

2:36 PM, May 05, 2005  
Anonymous LadyBug said...

Why did that post anonymously? Even though I entered my name and URL?

Oh, yeah. 'Cause Blogger sucks.

2:38 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Umm do you really want ME to go into kink mode and start telling stories? And if so, pick an age please so I can try to narrow something down, like do you want to know about when I was 19 and, did some stuff, or 20,21,22, I mean really, this is ME so uhhh, I got a few.

3:18 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Both Johnny Depp and his twin, other Johnny Depp, are SO not gay. That is all.

3:23 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

I'm with Susie. Preach it, sister.

6:55 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

JessRabb - i know how you feel...
I once had to call my girlfriend and ask her "who did I date in 1996 named Jeff?" I found a card when I was digging through a bunch of old crap and throwing it away...and I DIDNT REMEMBER HIM.

and just to bring us somewhat back on topic, I just rec'd an email from an opera friend sho is going to a dinner where the main dish is fried silkworms.

7:18 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

Two margaritas and I feel like I'm going to die. Wonder if lime juice goes bad?!?! Seriously though... Bucky if I yakk on your blog, I'm sorry!

The only fantasy I have right now is pretty sad. It involves only one man, a full order of oysters, and a bucket of ice.

I look at it this way... he can eat the oysters (which the smell alone will envoke the evil within), then he can hold my hair, pass me the toothpaste, then make sweet dave matthews band "crash into me" grindin groovin nine inch nails "fuck you like an animal" lovin.

Amen.

8:53 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Wow, I leave work early and the comments get away from me. Let me just say:

I think on this night, Nilbo will discover that he has more than an abiding affection for pumpkin flesh. Pulpy, warm pumpkin flesh. Mmmmmmm. And it tastes good, too.

On this night, Susie will find Johnny Depp with a ping pong paddle in his hand, a large red strawberry clenched 'twixt his buttocks, and chocolate smeared on his bubble-wrap thong. As he shakes it to a Smokey tune, never dropping the strawberry, Susie realizes that Johnny is wearing Altoids on his nipples. And then he whispers "Dunk my Tim Bits in hot tea, mamacita!"

Jess, I guess I should be frightened by your stories. A normal person would be. Hmmmmm, if you're gonna curl people's hair here, let's have one from, say, 22. Nice even number.

Spoonie - you'll let us know how the twin thing goes, no? If there's gonna be DP, we all have a right to know the details.

Kitty - I sure as hell hope you're posting on your blog while you're tequila'd up. This is damn fine readin' here!

And never be afraid to yak on my blog. I encourage it. I'm so loooooonely!

9:49 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

On this night, Susie will find Johnny Depp with a ping pong paddle in his hand, a large red strawberry clenched 'twixt his buttocks, and chocolate smeared on his bubble-wrap thong. As he shakes it to a Smokey tune, never dropping the strawberry, Susie realizes that Johnny is wearing Altoids on his nipples. And then he whispers "Dunk my Tim Bits in hot tea, mamacita!"

HOLY CRAP.

11:17 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

22 huh. Well I was still dancing then. And I had a girl who lived with me that also worked with me, who was sorta my girlfriend. Wow, I have alot of stories about her. I think I will have to take this to my blog as this is what you would call a run-on comment otherwise. So, If anyone wants to read some tales of filth, feel free to stop over.

You have been warned. There will be much naked talk.

11:44 PM, May 05, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

TANGENT JUMP ALERT:
although I'm sure JessRabbs tales will be much more entertaining...

Saw this on another blog, and would love to see BFE and all other posters answers :
Yes, another "meme"


1. If you could be a super-hero, what power would you posses? You only get one.

2. Money being no object for education, and time is not of the essence - what would be your ideal career change?

3. I'm in a house that is on fire. Do you: a) try and put the fire out b) run in and save me c) call for help and stand there or d) none of the above, you're not going to save someone that asks this kind of stupid question.

4. Obviously you're heavy into the geek toys - what geek toy would you like to invent?

5. You get the chance to speak face to face to a person in a position of power (queen, president, prime minister) and your face time allows you to make a statement of huge impact and would potentially change things. What would you say?

6:10 AM, May 06, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

1. If you could be a super-hero, what power would you posses? You only get one.

I wanna be an Empath. I have this inane fascination about knowing how people feel and how they react to things. I would like to be able to hear and feel others pain and be able to react to it accordingly instead of being the oblivious heartless bitch that I'm ever so known to be.

2. Money being no object for education, and time is not of the essence - what would be your ideal career change?

I would go back to school and complete my civil engineering degree that I was 2 years into before turning into a sell-out geek :-).

3. I'm in a house that is on fire. Do you: a) try and put the fire out b) run in and save me c) call for help and stand there or d) none of the above, you're not going to save someone that asks this kind of stupid question.

B. Most def.

4. Obviously you're heavy into the geek toys - what geek toy would you like to invent?

I would like a USB port installed in the back of my head so I can plug into my computer and every time someone talks dirty to me, it will upload into the special USB device in my melon and actually send those sensations through my body.

I would never leave home.

5. You get the chance to speak face to face to a person in a position of power (queen, president, prime minister) and your face time allows you to make a statement of huge impact and would potentially change things. What would you say?

Fuck the man? I don't know. That's too big of a question to ask this early. Where's my coffee?

8:54 AM, May 06, 2005  
Blogger Snickrsnack Katie said...

Kinko de Mayo sounds WAY better than Cinco de Mayo, which is a great big deal here in Texas. Strap on those assless chaps, Bucky. I'm coming over to celebrate!

1:02 PM, May 06, 2005  

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