the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Yes, there are some even I wouldn't use

In the last couple of months, I've come to enjoy the process of creating and posting new mastheads. A lot of the fun for a masthead, of course, is pickin' the new slogan. I've used a few now, but you've by no means seen everything that's occurred to me.

Allow me to share a select few of the slogans even I deemed too lame and/or offensive to use:

  • "Still yearning for a Captain and Tennille tour."
  • "Only a few animals were harmed in the crafting of this blog."
  • "Just when you yeast expect it." (accompanied by a picture of baking soda and my favored cooch-scratching implement, an elegant silver crab fork)
  • "All vomit, all the time."
  • "The curley fries are on my thighs." (accompanied by a photo of my frightening, fried-food-enhanced thighs)
  • "Don't let me drink unless you have a wheelbarrow and a barf bag."
  • "If you don't like watchin' penguins get it on, you can't be my friend."
  • "Send me money or I'll come to your house and trim your hedges into obscene shapes."
  • "Why can't we all just get a schlong?"
  • "Real fuckin' funny, motherfucker."
I'm only showing you the least disturbing of the unused ideas. You should probably worry about the way I think.

33 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Kitty said...

"lake kittitaca - take me to your bungholio" was going to be mine. I refrained.

10:43 PM, July 20, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

olio for my bungholio?

10:43 PM, July 20, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:18 PM, July 20, 2005  
Anonymous dazed and confuzed said...

I don't know...I still AM yearning for a Captain and Tennille tour. Looks like Muskrat Love.

11:37 PM, July 20, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:41 PM, July 20, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

Here's a good Blog title...
If I Only Knew Blog Snobs Existed Now, I Would've Saved Myself.
Or...
Let's Blog!... You Blog Bastards
Or Sun's Blogging and you have no life.
Or
well, you got the picture?
One other thing,
Oh Fuck it.
Shut the fuck up you MotherFuckers!
Now THATS a good one.

11:54 PM, July 20, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

I would start worrying if you STOPPED thinking. :)

6:53 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

I think you should go with "Here are some things that chap my ass ... and some that don't."

7:40 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

What? No mention of a monkey?

8:31 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

I like the yeast one best. No! I like the yeast one the yeast. I like the schlong one best.

9:16 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Danielle said...

my favorite is-"Real fuckin' funny, motherfucker."

9:29 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Kitty - oleo is ALWAYS a good idea for the bungholio. Too much chance of friction burns otherwise.

Dazed - Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam, do the jitterbug under my sedan...

DP - how about "Sucking Worm Goo Since 2004"? The BlogBastards should like that one.

Opera gal - where you been, girlie? I was thinkin' maybe you'd been carried off by some caped baritone. Drop me an email if you want and let me know how things are goin' for you.

Nilbo - oh, the Chapstick I go through 'round here...

Torrie - My next masthead might just be "All monkey, all the time." And you don't even wanna know what the accompanying picture will be.

9:51 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I'm so damn slow.

Amy - so you prefer the schlong to the yeast infection? Smart girl.

Danielle - I actually said that exact phrase, in all venoumous seriousness, to Jim when he laughed his ass off at one of my pratfalls one day. I was NOT amused.

9:52 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

I got a chapstick for you.

9:56 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Nilbo - what? You told me that was the facial dispenser.

10:17 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

... not to mention a handy crevice tool. It was multi-tasking before there was such a word.

10:44 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Also, where's the splintered rolling pin?

11:37 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

I think "The curley fries are on my thighs" would be OK, but you might refrain from using Ketchup in the photo...

11:45 AM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

I can only imagine what else you got cookin' in the brain of yours

12:05 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I think the schlong comment is best, too.

I also wanted to say that I saw a pickup truck the other day that had a Wall Drug S Dakota sticker on it.

12:22 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Nilbo - I belive you are what they call a Helpy Helperson. Very handy, that Popeil Pocket Penis of yours.

Torrie - the splintered rolling pin is currently being removed by surgeons in what's called a "delicate" operation. But now you give me ideas for yet another masthead...

Sierrabella - would you prefer I go all European and use mayonnaise?

Annejelynn - if you saw what's cookin' in my brain, you'd know why they call my head the Meth Lab.

Squirl - Ha! The magic of Wall Drug! I suppose I must do an entire post devoted to Wall Drug and its sheer tackiness.
Schlong.

1:16 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Just make sure you don't accidentally hit the "slice and dice" feature.

1:47 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Nilbo - what about julienne?

2:10 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Pure hilarity. Absolutely the funniest thing I've read since I came back from vacay. Not sure which is my fave, but the "yeast" one gets me along with the visual of the crab fork as a scratching implement!!!

I concur with the nilbo--my only suggestion would be to have the assless chaps pic on the masthead, too.

I relish how you think!

2:27 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Nugget - I just think a fork cuts right to the chase. Why squirm uncomfortably when you can just dig in with the tines?

2:29 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger song said...

I am now going to go to bed with penguins getting it on images in my head (and be glad that that's the only image I got from that list)

I'm sure we will still love you even if you put an 'inappropriate' masthead up, but please you gotta include the chaps at least once a month!

4:30 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger song said...

ps: I always tempted to use "I'm not Dooce, get over it" as a masthead. I'm so sad.

4:32 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Song - that's a great tagline! You should use it.

4:56 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

"Why can't we all just get a schlong?"

..ahahhaaha..now that's funny!

5:14 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Julienne says she's quite happy with the Popeil's Pocket Penis. Another satisfied (again and again, evidently) customer.

And from now on, per Nuggetmaven, I would appreciate being addressed as "The Nilbo". It's like "The Donald", only poorer and with more class.

5:44 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Um I think the All Monkey All the Time really should go to me. I mean come on, are YOU too dirty for google? No you are not.

Monkey hogger.

6:59 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Milkmaid - what the world needs now is schlong, sweet schlong...

The Nilbo - I would then ask the same courtesty of you, and wish for you to address me as "The Bucky"
Now let's go out and buy atrocious toupees together.

Jess - I acquiesce to your superior monkey power.

9:23 PM, July 21, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

I can see why you haven't chose any of those because they Suck worm goo. (except for the Captain and Tennille one. Those two could jam back then eh?)
I'd stick with what you have for now.

Oh and my friend Ichabod (that name sucks too...) had given me the idea for my blog today. In fact, he is the one who suggested I start this waste of time crap to begin with.

Okay...I need to go take my pill now! I feel a bit too harsh today..

6:34 PM, July 22, 2005  

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