the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, September 26, 2005

Here's the story of a lovely lady

I'm sure I'm opening myself up to all kinds of interpretation and analysis with this post. And, truthfully, I welcome it. I've always wondered just what the fuck it meant myself.

Gather near, children, as I tell you about a very strange, even by my standards, dream I had about 20 years ago.

In the dream, I was an adult, but I was in my sixth-grade classroom (in the "new" building at Ferry School...yeah, "new" about 30 years ago, and yeah, I said "Ferry School"). The lights were all on, but I could tell it was daytime from the sun streaming in the windows at the back of the room. It was like it had been 1976 in there forever.

Then, in a move that confuses even me to this day, I walked up to the chalkboard and taped up a picture of the cast of The Brady Bunch. There's no tellin' why this was a good idea in the dream, but it was. Once I had surveyed and admired the picture in all its Brady sacrosanctity, I found a piece of chalk and wrote a caption under the picture:

That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh.

Why I wrote this is as much of a mystery to me as to anyone else. I hated KC and the Sunshine Band when I was in sixth grade. But it seemed like the only thing to write, and if I really had any control over my dreams, they would all star LL Cool J anyway...now where was I?

Oh, the KC quote under the Brady picture. What the fuck was that about? But wait - there's more!

At that point, Florence Henderson* walked into the classroom and was visibly annoyed with the Brady photo/KC caption combination, and told me so in no uncertain terms. So I did the only logical thing a girl like me could do in that situation. I grabbed the handiest bottle of urine and sprayed the hell out of her with it. Needless to say, Florence beat a hasty retreat. Score zero for Wessonality.

I'm open to your comments and interpretation on this one. What does it say about me that in my dream:

a) I had reverted to my sixth-grade classroom
b) I had in my possession a picture of the Brady Bunch cast
c) I thought it was a good idea to show off this picture
d) I quoted KC and the Sunshine Band
e) Florence Henderson appeared for the purpose of rebuking me
f) I had urine in a spray bottle handy and did not hesitate to use it

Feel free to discuss my obvious mental illness here in my comments. I rather enjoy that sort of thing. Me, I'll be lurkin' in the bushes, waitin' to attack the mailman with my piss gun.

* Florence Henderson played the mom on The Brady Bunch and was also a slippery spokeswoman for Wesson Oil

28 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger whfropera said...

in addition to also being a liscesed THERAPIST. That, BFE may be the key to your dream - maybe you're just prescient.

6:39 PM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous dazed & confuzed said...

*I had reverted to my sixth-grade classroom*
Obviously this is the happiest time in your life because you finally quit wetting the bed (unless provoked).

*I had in my possession a picture of the Brady Bunch cast*
Three words - Johnny Bravo Envy.

*I thought it was a good idea to show off this picture*
Why have a Johnny Bravo if you can't show it off?

*I quoted KC and the Sunshine Band*
That's just sick and you need help.

*Florence Henderson appeared for the purpose of rebuking me*
You were SUCH a perfect child that the thought of having to be rebuked was titilating. (heh heh..I said "tit")

*I had urine in a spray bottle handy and did not hesitate to use it*
That's true for most of us.

6:41 PM, September 26, 2005  
Anonymous dazed & confuzed said...

Oh..and the Wessonality comment - that mean's you're long overdue for stripping the sheets off the waterbed and having a Crisco-butter-cluster-fuck.

7:03 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Kassi said...

I had a freaked out dream about the Brady Bunch when I was 7. I dreamnt that the kids in the cast and I were walking through a haunted house, and Jan was in the lead.
Then as she rounded a corner, this lizard zombie guy put a shovel right through her head.

I think that the producers sent subliminal messages to us through the T.V. screen.

8:01 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I'd say this dream tells us that you wanted to educate those around you (hence the school setting) that the Brady family not only embodied what you wanted your family to be like, but also the type of family you'd have in the future. You longed for the bright colored clothes and the campy yet effective morals at the end of each day. You also were keeping firmly planted in your roots, as Florence is also from Kentucky. Lastly, you weren't squirting Florence with urine, but you were squirting your own mother with urine in a show of defiance. The reason the urine was in a bottle is because while squirting your mother is something you longed to do, you just couldn't see soiling yourself doing the actual deed.

All this plus Sam was a sexy beast.

8:02 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Here's a story, of a disturbed Bucky
So she blogged the dream so that we all could see
Just how the Brady Bunch was so lucky
Their mom all wet with pee.

8:35 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

I'm just waiting to read what Susie has to say about this.

8:40 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

Obviously this is an incurable case of penis envy. They should make an ointment for that.

8:58 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I like Mr. B's work, here.

Let's see, you were about 20, making choices about what sort of adult life you wanted to have. Sixth grade is usually the beginning, or near the beginning of middle school, a HUGE life changing event, developmentally speaking. At your 20-year-old developmental juncture, you were drawn back to that previous milestone, and the icons that were meaningful to you then. At 20, you were conflicted between wanting a Brady Bunch life and saying "piss on that." I imagine "final" decisions were made shortly thereafter. But what's final? I recommend playing some KC and the Sunshine Band, shaking your ass, and NOT keeping your peepee in a bottle.

No charge :)

9:11 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Thank you Susie, but go ahead, charge her. :)

9:34 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger Kassi said...

there's ointment for penis envy? where the hell have I been?

11:14 PM, September 26, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

You know, Florence is now a licensed therapist (oh the things you learn watching reality tv).

Maybe you should contact her and ask her about this.

Just an idea.

1:53 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

So Florence Henderson is a licensed therapist now, huh?

Bet her couch is greasy.

5:06 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

like I said - the Buckster is prescient.
Just thought you'd like to know.
:)

7:14 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Dr. Flo only treats Wessonality Disorders. (PWAHAHAHAAHAAAA. I kill myself.)

7:58 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

Look, it's not just me watching "My Fair Brady"!!!! (Where we all learned Flo is a therapist & she gave a little counseling to Christopher Knight on his relationship with Adrienne Curry.) My conclusion? Your reading audience is filled with people hiding darker secrets than you, Bucky. :)
Though the urine spray bottle miiiiiiight indicate otherwise.

8:37 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Um, yeah, that dream was completely normal Bucky.

*runs away in horror*

10:52 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

lol Susie :)

11:19 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

ok, is anyone else creeped out by CK on that damn show and his "spank me Adrienne" antics? oh, ick. that enough was to stop me watching the show -

11:34 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I have a feeling I'm glad I don't know about the Adrienne/CK thing.

11:36 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

ok, is anyone else creeped out by CK on that damn show and his "spank me Adrienne" antics? oh, ick. that enough was to stop me watching the show - ok, and the fact that BFE can remember a dream YEARS later? what is up with that? I can't remember what happened yesterday.

11:37 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

damn radio station internet connection...

11:38 AM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

OOh, urine in a spray bottle! Yet one more thing for me to add to my passive-aggressive-payback arsenal! Oh the things someone can do with the ease and convenience (as well as portability) of urine in a spray bottle! Come to think of it, you can also put that "juice" from canned tuna in a spray bottle too... um... I'm skeer'd about what I could possibly do... oh shit, I better tell dad this. He could use it, I'm sure, in his plight against my mother's cantankerous father...

Thanks for the tip!

12:12 PM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

It looks like Susie nailed it!

What I find disturbing is that the urine was in a spray bottle!

Let Us (S)pray!

4:19 PM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

... as an aside, I do believe that the viewing of the Brady Bunch, Scooby-Doo, as well as H.R. Puffinstuff, ALL could have been vastly improved had I ever got my mitts on some 'shrooms or meditation-weed when I was in school.

5:45 PM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

W-T-F??!?!?

humpht.

totally stumped.

6:23 PM, September 27, 2005  
Blogger AlRo said...

I had a whole whack of psycho-babble like..

"I believe you sub-consious, metamorphic inner-eye is attempting to conjure images of your predilection for partaking in vast amounts of disco.." and shit like that..

But lemme use laymen's terms here -- Yer nuts.. that's it.. that's all... yer nuts just like me !! hell i was the one that had dreams i was psychic .. funny i could read everyone's minds in my dreams...

And no..i'm not in love with my MOTHER! Who said that?! *looks around the room* *sighs* don't worry folks it was Stella - a voice in my head just trying to get a rise outta me... move along nothing to see here.

11:47 AM, September 28, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

I heard somewhere Flo got it on with Johnny Bravo...

12:48 PM, September 28, 2005  

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