My hair is getting bigger by the minute

Sure, the "little people" have to wait until December 25 to get their stockings filled, but not this nearly blind bat, nosireebub. Christmas can bite me, I got myself a shitload of presents in the last week.

I know what you're sayin' before you even say it: "Bucky, shame on you! It's not nice to dis Christmas, and if you buy it for yourself, you really haven't experienced the joy of giving, have you?"

Yeah, but I sure as hell experienced the bliss of receiving. I received, from myself, a few CDs this week. Just small tokens of my gratitude, for all the understanding I give myself, not to mention all the sexual favors. I never tell me "no", never claim to myself that I have a headache, and never bitch and say "You only love me for the nookie!" when I give myself Victoria's Secret lingerie as gifts.

So, as my reward for bein' such a good sport (note: I don't mean this about myself, but when a guy says a girl is a "good sport" it generally means that she gives head without any required kissing beforehand, and will swallow without much prompting), I purchased a number of CDs that I had either wanted for a while, or which just caught my eye while shopping. Now in my possession, and being added to the neverending collection, are:

• RENT movie soundtrack. Because it's different from the original Broadway cast recording. And because I am obsessed with RENT.
• Kate Bush - Aerial. This is Kate's first new CD in 13 years, and is a two-disk set. The first disk is poppier tunes, and the second disk is more classical/concept. I haven't heard it enough to give an opinion on it, but it didn't jump out and make me love it on the first couple of listens. We shall see...and hear.
• White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan. I've had possession of a few songs from this CD, and I liked 'em so much it seemed criminal not to have the rest of the album. Plus, the cover art kicks ass.
  
• Susan Tedeschi - Hope and Desire. Susan has put down her guitar and her songwriter's mantle to make an album of covers which makes her voice the center of focus. As always, I love her vocals. Truthfully, though, I miss the rockin' blues that she strutted out on Just Won't Burn and then withdrew just as quickly with her next album. Rock out, Susan, puh-leeeeeze!
• Jamie Cullum - Catching Tales. I've raved about Jamie Cullum since I happened up his previous CD, Twentysomething. I haven't heard this album enough to be absolutely in love with it yet, but I know it's a good sign that I can't stop repeating the opening track, Get Your Way. "What game shall we play today?/How about the one where you don't get your way." Jazzy/Funky/Cheeky, thy name is Cullum.

Ah, but those aren't the CDs I wanna talk about here. There's one more in this new stack that, frankly, gave me more than I paid for. While perusing the miles of aisles in the Circuit City CD department, I happened upon a disk with a purple checked cover and the irresistible moniker Monster '80s.



















I had no idea that just lookin' at the back of this CD would trigger the small wave of nostalgia I felt as I looked at the cracked case (it was the only one, and I bought the damaged goods with great cheerfulness) and saw the song lineup:

1. Hazy Shade of Winter - Bangles
2. Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol
3. Take On Me - a-ha
4. Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran
5. Do You Really Want to Hurt Me - Culture Club
6. Who Can It Be Now? - Men at Work
7. Stray Cat Strut - Stray Cats
8. Sunglasses at Night - Corey Hart
9. Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield
10. Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant
11. If This Is It - Huey Lewis and the News
12. Der Kommissar - After the Fire
13. Broken Wings - Mr. Mister
14. She Blinded Me With Science - Thomas Dolby
15. Too Shy - Kajagoogoo
16. Mickey - Toni Basil
17. True - Spandau Ballet

My hair started to crimp itself as I looked at the back of the CD. Of course, I bought it. Not every song means something to me, but the ones that do jab me in my waxy yellow nostaligia buildup made a huge impression on me.

I was never a huge Rick Springfield fan, but hearing Jessie's Girl makes me think of the night I went to prom with Rico, and they had all kinds of activities lined up for us all night, including a screening of Rick Springfield's movie Hard to Hold. Of course, we skipped the movie and the putt putt golf in favor of "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I'm enthusiastic" teenage sex.

Sunglasses at Night. Little did I know that this song would be prophetic for me. Oh, how I remember Corey Hart's MTV-edited angst. *sigh* I never knew this song would be the anthem for my migraines.

Then there was Culture Club and Do You Really Want to Hurt Me. This was back in the days when we used to have (serious!) conversations like, "Do you think Boy George is gay?" "No, he's not gay, no way." "Well, he sure acts gay." "Oh, sure, and next you'll tell me George Michael is gay. "

Bring on the Stray Cats! Brian Setzer only gets cooler with age, and his tattoos actually get more awesome as they fade. It's a phenomenon peculiar to Mr. Setzer. I used to get really, really mad when people would hear my song Groovy Guys and say, "Hey, that sounds like Stray Cat Strut!" But you know what? It kind of does, at least the intro.

One of my high school friends, Delayne, was very into new music, and would constantly run around quoting the B-52s and the Talking Heads. She was also a huge fan of Adam Ant, and she would tease me constantly with Goody Two Shoes' refrain of "Don't drink, don't smoke - what do you do?" All of this was completely absurd, of course, as I definitely did drink and did smoke. It was more a question of what I didn't do. You may not believe this, but once upon a time, I had an innocent face.

If you happened to be one of my bar buddies when I worked at 7-Eleven, then you know that I had a ritual. After we left (were kicked out of) the bar at closing time, we'd have breakfast at the Capitol coney island, which, bless them, stays open 24 hours a day. At the time, they had the little doohickies (the scientific name) at the table where you could trigger the jukebox without leaving your pancakes. I would always get to the table doohickie first, and it would have been a major incident if I hadn't been able to play Der Kommissar every single time. It was my birthright. And now whenever I hear that song, I immediately feel drunk and crave french toast.

And finally, She Blinded Me With Science. Has there ever been a better song? I shall answer that before you have a chance - NO! SBMWS is THE best song, ever. Ever. See? More danceable music for the girl who can't dance. But I can yell out "SCIENCE!" with the best of 'em. I also like to sub "hatpins" for "science" and sing, "She blinded ME, with HATPINS!" Oh, you'd best believe I can entertain myself for hours with that shit. "Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto - you're BEAUtiful!"

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make my bangs higher, higher, higher!