the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Ramblin' gamblin' bitch

So, I've been a total asshole lately about things like answering my comments, visiting other blogs, posting on a daily basis, responding to email...for these and other atrocities I'm statistically likely to commit, I apologize.

But seriously, I'm not sorry at all about the labia. That was just my artistic vision, in a blurry, drunken, glasses-smeared-with-the-jizz-of-strangers way. There's even some footage I forgot to put in, so you might see a director's cut someday. See? I've given you all something to anticipate, the way one anticipates a fiery anus after eating three dozen whole jalapenos. Sa-MO-kin'!

I picked up a nice JBL speaker set for my computer this week, as I don't see myself rebuilding a traditional stereo system for myself any time in the near future. The sounds kicks more than I could have hoped from a system of its size. Downsizing is important to me right now; in fact, I'm in the process of taking a bunch of music equipment I'll likely never use again and having an ebay store sell it for me. Think I could get anything on ebay for some of my old paintings? I even found some of the huge displays I did for Meijer when we had shoe brand promotions. Maybe I could hawk the stuff as "the opium-fueled hallucinatory creations of a disturbed young hermaphrodite with a taste for mayhem and Sugar Babies."

There's been a lot of blood sprayed and splattered on my TV screen in the last few days. Um, on the inside, not the outside. I've watched a number of graphically violent movies this week, including Scarface and Kill Bill Vol I. So far, I have not been struck with the urge to twirl with a big-ass samurai sword or blow people away with a hand cannon. I'll keep you posted, though. My biggest criminal urges right now deal with the crimes I'm committing against my waistline with every bite of junk food I consume.

A few days ago, I heard the very end of a news story, and it made such an impression on me that I had to go look it up on the web. There is an operation called Randall's High Diving Racers where, among other forms of entertainment, they arrange for high-diving pigs, who jump off a (not that tall) platform into a pool of water. Someone must have been questioning the humane treatement of the pigs in all this, and whether or not the pigs went willingly to the big splash, and the quote I heard that intrigued me was the owner Virgil Randall's defense of the act: "The divers make their own decisions. If I ever pushed them off, they wouldn't be diving pigs, they'd be pushed-off pigs."

I so want to start a band called The Pushed-Off Pigs.

And why does it sound vaguely smutty when I say it?

18 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Jim said...

I have all the Pushed Off Pigs albums - I think they're my second favorite group, next to ABBA.

LET ME KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND YOUR PAINTINGS IF YOU SELL 'EM. Dang girl...you're talented.

11:18 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

Reason #456,123,209 that Bucky Rocks:

She will never apologize for subjecting people to Carol Channing's droopy labia.

11:18 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

“The Pushed-off Pigs?” Sounds like a bunch of cops passed over for promotion.

11:32 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

The Pushed Off Pigs are getting back together???
WHOO-HOO!!!
I love the single from their Christmas album, "Green Queefy Christmas".
Always brings a tear to my eye, but I'm sentimental like that.

11:51 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Jeffs place said...

Ya but people would say you were just trying to Hog in on their notoriety

9:00 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I LOVE IT! The Pushed Off Pigs sing lullabies...

9:29 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Pushed Off Pigs just sounds wrong. I'd've been laughing my ass off if I'd heard that one.

10:09 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Hmm...The Pushed-Off Pigs might be alright. But what about...

The Incontinents?

10:10 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger OneCrueGirl said...

I think "Carol Channing's Labia" is the best name for a band.

10:11 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

I like how he refers to them as "the divers". It sort of lends an aspect of respectability to the whole sordid affair.

10:27 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger Jeffs place said...

How about Labia of Pigs. It sounds kind of Castro esque or trashy French like huh?

11:31 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

HA...I saw that and as soon as he said PUSHED OFF PIGS..I thought, stupid rednecks!! Giving us smart rednecks a bad name again.

11:32 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger dashababy said...

Pushed off Pigs,,, hmmm, has a nice ring to it. I wonder if they know the words to Black Magic Woman?

3:03 PM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

Ooooh, Dashababy, I wish I'd thought of that!

3:10 PM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I got a Black Magic Marker...
Got a black magic marker...

3:43 PM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger abcd said...

Good post but not as good as the
"BH". Tomorrow is D day for me.

Thanks for the laughs, and you have
a year to work on your Grand Rounds
presentation.

6:58 PM, March 30, 2006  
Anonymous kristine said...

Your Punishment is to take the dog

8:53 PM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

Wanna help me kidnap and detain a certain BADASS doctor? :(

10:21 PM, March 30, 2006  

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