the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, June 15, 2007

Tangential twat

Here's what's playing kick-the-can in my frontal lobe as I avoid the actual work I have in front of me:

  • Recently, I ordered an instructional and strictly educational book called Garage Glamour: Digital Nude and Beauty Photography Made Simple. When it arrived, I saw that the mailing label also included the following information:

    YOUR ITEM ENCLOSED: GARAGE GLAMOUR - DIGITAL NUDE

    That was it. They cut the title off there. So, not only did they feel the need to announce my purchase to the world, or at least to the mailman, but they didn't even leave on the part of the title that indicated its high-quality educational value. Now people are gonna think I'm some kind of deviate.

    You'd best believe I won't be subscribing to Busty Sluts With Hand Grenades Quarterly from these guys anytime soon.

  • Don't know my own strength. Last night, during a post-midnight shopping excursion to Meijer, I was having a routine grope through the avocado bin when POP! one of them burst in my hand. There I stood, slightly aghast as I beheld my green, mush-covered fingers, made even more vivid and horrible by the grocery store lighting. It took me a minute to regain my composure; I hadn't seen anything like this since my ill-fated one night stand with the Hulk (although he was so sweet and apologetic afterward, and even sent over a fruit basket). Just like that time, I took care of it with a Kleenex and went on about my business.

  • My air conditioning unit is officially a pile of crap. Much as it pains and annoys me, mostly the annoying part, I must replace it in the near future. It's already this hot in June (lots of 80s this week), I can't imagine what it will be like in August. If it were just me, I'd live with fans, but there's no way I'm putting the cats through that, especially Eeyore. Really, when you translate cat years vs. human years, he's over 100 years old! I think he deserves to have his handsome, furry ass kissed at all costs.

  • I need to get the paintbrush back in my hand and at least get the living room/hallway finished. Jess is coming to visit in a couple of weeks, so maybe that will give me the incentive to get that room done and get the furniture moved around. Ostensibly, she's coming to visit me so we can go to a concert and hang out for a few days, but I have the feeling that she's going to steal Thirteen when she's here. And, truthfully, some days I'd giftwrap the little fucker for her! I'd even throw in a squirt bottle, free of charge.

  • There's no telling how or why it happened, but I just looked in the mirror and found that I had ice cream on my forehead. I must have gone at it with some vigor.

12 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

Your mailperson will totally hit on you now.

Eeeewww on the avocado. Good thing you had a Kleenex. Always prepared, just like Mom.

It is pretty durned hot in your place. That sucks that your refrigerator and air conditioning have both had to be replaced/fixed already.

I know you love Thirteen, but he such an asshole sometimes.

Go for the gusto on the ice cream.

8:01 PM, June 15, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

Ah yes...running the AC just for the critters. I do the very same thing, for both the cats and the fish. More and more, Thirteen sounds like Fiero's kissing cousin. Double eeewwwwww on the avocado!

10:19 PM, June 15, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

Premature avocado -- you know, if you'd stop fondling them that way...

Good luck with the a/c unit.

1:22 AM, June 16, 2007  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

You should have asked that that “educational book” be mailed in a plan, brown wrapper. Even the complete title suggests to me that they would have done so.

Are you sure that while you were groping those avocados your mind wasn’t fixated on a couple huge boobs?

My air conditioner in down, too. And all the repairpersons in Louisville seem to be presently working on someone else’s air conditioner.

Poor, unloved Thirteen. When my ex-wife cared for Alex while I was in exile, she told me several times she was more than willing to return the feline to my care. Cats do seem to affect folks that way.

Did you taste the ice cream? I suspect it was a gift from above, not from a ice cream cone.

In summary, Bucky, it sounds to me as if you really need to get laid—and soon.

1:47 AM, June 16, 2007  
Blogger Oliver T. Kittie said...

Are you some kind of deviate?

3:15 AM, June 16, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

Ice cream. Sure.

5:01 AM, June 16, 2007  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Well, you said "Not in the hair!" Your forehead was my second choice.

6:21 PM, June 16, 2007  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

"Poor, unloved Thirteen"

HA!

If you guys knew just how willfully naughty that cat is, that spoiled rotten little cat, you'd get a squirt bottle and stand right next to me while I blast him away from having his claws in my new furniture.

And Nilbo? If your stuff tastes like cream soda sherbet, then I'll be sending you some quart containers with return postage.

8:45 PM, June 16, 2007  
Anonymous Ortizzle said...

Avocado mush-covered fingers. Ice cream on forehead. Paint brush and squirt bottle at the ready. Sounds like you're gearing up nicely for the Garage Glamor Digital Nude photograhy.

10:49 AM, June 17, 2007  
Anonymous platypus said...

I have no words... but I hope you get the air con fixed soon. Our temperatures are probably nowhere near as high as yours but the humidity's a killer!

3:30 PM, June 17, 2007  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

Is it Jess's first visit?

3:51 PM, June 17, 2007  
Blogger Eye of the Rainbow said...

Just stopping by to say HI. I believe I seen you over at RSG notice we are neighbors. I live 45 miles from GR. So waving "Hello"

5:04 PM, June 17, 2007  

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