the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Ah, fuck it

Things I've learned the hard way:

  • I can't save crazy chicks. No matter how shiny my white-knight armor is, I can't heroically extract a whacked-out girl from a metaphorical burning building, because even as she's screaming "Help me, Obi-Wan Katy, you're my only hope!" she's got her arms wrapped around the banister as tight as they can be and the bitch ain't budging. I'm so fucking tired of mixed signals and schoolgirl-mentality games, and most of all, being thrown over for men because it's just easier for the crazy girl to get by that way.

  • Bring your own lubrication when entering a pawn shop with merchandise to sell; it won't make the ass fucking any less painful, but it will prevent spontaneous combustion and excess blistering.

  • Potential employers, apparently, are allowed to demand anything they want of job seekers, and it's perfectly acceptable since so many people are scrambling for scraps these days. Case in point: I applied online for a job last weekend - a secretarial job for a company whose business involves making people's yards pretty - and was sent an application to complete and return. They not only wanted me to sign off on urine, blood, and hair samples (a different rant all in itself), but they wanted access to any and all medical records from every doctor I've ever visited. Call me a big ol' liberal queer, but I find that highly invasive, insulting, and frightening. I fully expected the next check box to demand possession of my first-born child. A line has been crossed, and people are too cowed to bitch about it.

  • Grey pubes are not cute. At least, they aren't cute on me. I don't know why that disturbs me more than the grey hair that sprouts more and more liberally from my scalp each day, but it just does.

  • I never realized how good the writing was on soap operas until the writers went on strike. Squirl and I could've written better dialogue for General Hospital during the strike than the replacement dudes did. (And BOO! to them for resurrecting a dead man to be the Text Message Killer...I was really convinced it was the cop, Harper. Come ooooooon...Diego would not have killed Georgie, especially in such a brutal manner; she was the only person who was ever nice to him.)

  • No one wants to see my ass crack in Wal-Mart. I understand that now. So here's the deal: Wal-Mart, you stop putting your store-brand club soda on the bottom shelf, and I'll stop bending over and half-mooning everyone in the liquor aisle.

9 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger eclectic said...

Well, maybe SOMEONE at Wal-Mart wants to see your ass-crack... why else would he/she keep shelving the club soda that way?!

Also, the Big Brother privacy invasion is downright frightening. Americans are less safe from America now than ever in our history, all in the name of the almighty corporate dollar. Ooops... my opinions are showing. Sorry.

11:09 AM, March 04, 2008  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Eclectic - it's okay, you can flash your opinions over here whenever you want. I've found that when people rant and rave that they don't want Big Government, what that really means is that they don't want government to regulate corporations. Personal privacy and dignity, though, are totally expendable.

11:20 AM, March 04, 2008  
Blogger chia said...

Wesley's suggestion ;-). He's a butthead sometimes but sometimes comes up with the greatest turds.

1:26 PM, March 04, 2008  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

One white pubic hair
still attached,
found
by me
in my own nether regions.

Half my butt-length head hairs
are gray
down to the tips,
and have been that way for years.
I'm cool with calico.

Now and then I pluck
a single stray white brow,
and find it interesting.

Once or twice I've found
a long, fine, silken thread
growing from my arm
and it's delighted me.

I mean, what the fuck --
anything freaky's gotta be good.

But a white pussy hair?
Am I tripping here?
It feels so fucking..... final!

Almost like a threat.

2:55 PM, March 04, 2008  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

That is quite the education you have there, Bucky. Damn.
(((hugs)))

The kitty can turn grey? Aw, crap!

4:43 PM, March 04, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

Let's petition to work during the next writers' strike. What the heck, couldn't be any worse.

Still can't believe the nerve of that company wanting all that personal info. Sooooo invasive.

8:36 PM, March 04, 2008  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

I think I would have just taken a big steamy shit on the person's desk and said here's everything you need to know you nosy son of a bitch.

I've retired my suit of armor as well. It's sad but a fact of life that you can't help everyone no matter how much you try.

If you ever get that soap gig, let me know. I would LOVE to write for one of those. I think it would be a riot.

7:29 PM, March 05, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Katy,
I may be wrong here, but I don't think it is legal for your employers to ask for your past medical records. If it is not legal for them to store your medical records (like in a file for example), and it is not legal for them to discrimiate against you using medical records, how can they ask for them?

Also according to HIPAA rules, companies have to keep an accounting of all disclosures made, including to vendors such as service providers, subcontracted IT or operations personnel, temporary employees, and they must get them to sign agreements that explain HIPAA privacy rules, their related legal obligations regarding those rules and that they agree to comply.

10:42 AM, March 06, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, that was me, Sheryl

10:42 AM, March 06, 2008  

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