the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Crap-filled joyride

During a phone conversation with a friend last night, I can safely say the phrase I heard from her mouth more than any other single phrase was "dog vomit." Sometimes it was alone, as a mantra: "Dog vomit dog vomit dog vomit" while other times it was partnered with descriptive terms, such as "a mountain of kibble dog vomit" and "STOP EATING THE DOG VOMIT!" Needless to say, my friend was not havin' the grandest night of her entire life, unless she secretly digs dog vomit and I just don't know it yet.

Well, now I know how the dog vomit feels.

I won't go into a lot of detail, because I really try not to talk about work here. But let's just say I spent four or five hours in the server room tonight after I'd already been home long enough to watch two episodes of General Hospital. Somebody needs to smack the fuck out of Carly. Sorry, it just needed to be said.

Anyhow, I've spent my night up to my ass in manic moodswings, from near tears girlie rage and frustration (sorry to those who were in the path of my bitch tornado) to hysterical giggles courtesy of my chah-mingly retarded husband. From ass-end mopey to really top drawer. It's been a bit of a roller coaster.

Back when Jim and I used to have pagers, on really bad days I'd text him: "Lovely wife here. My day is a crap-filled joyride" which meant he would likely be havin' dinner alone. Tonight was, I think I can say with some authority, a prime example of the crap-filled joyride. I'm glad it's not a round trip.

But in the midst of all the chaos and panic tonight, one thought did occur occasionally, and give me a flicker of hope: "At least I don't have to clean up dog vomit."

33 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yesterday's officially over...enuf said eh?!

12:16 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

So, if I did have to pick up dog vomit today, does that mean I've officially hit bottom? And if so, can I pick which bottom to hit?

1:02 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Um I dont know who this person is but she sounds high strung and foolish.

Dog vomit kibble mountain. Hmm. New Disney Theme park ride?

Glad your work emergency is fixed and no one barfed on anything.

2:49 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Ern said...

It is now Friday. Even here on the West coast. So cheer up!

PS--I love that you said "top drawer!"

3:54 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Madame D said...

"Dog Vomit Kibble Mountain!"
Oh, I think that has some serious potential.
Is it a *ahem*, "water ride"?
Do we get to race over the kibble, and get showered with a waterfall of puke at the end?
Sign me up, baby!

4:48 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I like the top drawer bit too, but aren't we supposed to have that with dog vomit in a turd-filled punch bowl...while wearing chaps??

7:13 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I didn't have to clean up dog vomit either. But I did have to watch it appear, and then watch the dog "clean it up."
I'm not riding that.
Your post reminds me of what a friend said about the side effect from her antidepressant meds, that effect known as "inorgasmia." She said that with the drug, sex is like a car-ride to nowhere. It's not even interesting enough to be a boat or plane ride, and you know you ain't gettin' where you wanted to go.
It's not really off-topic; the topic is "rides that ain't what they oughtta be." There.

7:33 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Wait ... there's a place women want to go during sex? Honest to God, you guys need to put out a memo or something. All this time I thought it was all about MY pleasure.

Sex with me is like a ride at Disney World. Lots of thrills, lots of ups and downs, a bit of screaming ... but it's way too short and in the end it leaves you feeling like you might want to throw up.

You must be THIS tall to ride. But at least there are no long line-ups. Odd, that.

7:47 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Nilbo, your "ups and downs" remind me of a toast I heard recently at a wedding, from the father of the bride, ahem:
May all your ups and downs be between the sheets.
father of the bride!!

8:37 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Lori - well, not quite. Read on.

Eclectic - there are just so many bottoms around here, I think you can take your pick. I've certainly had my ass smacked the last two days. Read on.

Jess - nonsense, my friend is very grounded and sensible. But mountainous dog vomit will send even the best of us into a tailspin. Read on.

Ern - Friday isn't turning out any better. Read on.

Madame D - oddly, you don't need an e-ticket for that ride. Woof! Read on.

Mr. B - I can certainly supply the chaps. You'll have to bring your own punch bowl. Read on.

Susie - that sounds like a ride I could skip. Although inorgasmia is preferable to my current dilemma. Read on.

Nilbo - Have you already forgotten the lesson of the monkey and the coconut milk? *sigh* You men take such intensive training...Read on.

Susie - were they a southern family? ;)
Sorry. Read on.

OK. I came in to work this morning, FOR JUST A MINUTE, to fetch some things and talk to my VP. Well, my first stop was the server room and I had the EXACT SAME SITUATION THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FIXED LAST NIGHT!
Yes, I was supposed to be on vacation today and Jim and I were goin' out of town. Looks like that car ride has once again become (say it with me now) a CRAP-FILLED JOYRIDE. I don't dare leave town this weekend.
My head is as bruised as my hand was a couple of weeks ago, as I pound it on the wall repeatedly and wail "WHYYYYY MEEEEEEEE?"

9:05 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Ohno. Don't poke your eyes out, Bucky. I wish I could do something. Tell your boss this means you get EXTRA time off. Plus other good stuff. This is not good. I know! I'll send you a picture of Jif eating my monkey. You'll definitely want to keep your eyes for THAT!

9:46 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Susie, where is that picture going to be posted? Is it for Bucky's eyes only?

9:57 AM, August 05, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh. I've been cleaning cat shit pretty much constantly - but other aspects of life are ok. So my crap filled joyride has been more actual crap and less metaphor.

I hope your day goes better today, lovely wife.

P.S. I think technology is a neutral-evil force. Not even joking.

Let's run away to mountain cabins and pretend it doesn't exist.

9:58 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger MsPerdie said...

It gets better... when, you ask? who the hell knows... I know EXACTLY how you feel, being that I work in a Information Systems department, and have spent many a nights up trying to fix something... my sympathy to you during your "crap-filled joyride"... I like that phrase...

10:02 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

*blink* OK, first Susie comes in here and calls someone a cocksucker, and now she's into home-made porn? Score one for the dark forces.

Man, my life is definitely taking an upturn.

10:03 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Ouch. I remember days of having to babsit a server and not enjoying it all. I don't do that anymore. :)

But hey, it's nice to be needed.

10:12 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Susie - Wow, the monkey and Jif both look so...satisfied. Wow!

Squirl - I don't know, this might be too "mature" for my blog. I'm squeaky clean enough for Google, after all.

La Pix - I've got my walkin' stick, they'll never think to look for me in the mountains!

Msperdie - thanks for your commiseration. The nightmare just never ends for IT people, does it?

Nilbo - well, none of this could've been my influence. I am on the side of all that is good and pure and light and -
Another lightning bolt, dodged.

Mr. B - Sometimes, it's not so nice to be needed. Not when there's no sex involved - lots of bein' fucked, but no sex.

10:21 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

squirl, I'll leave that up to Bucky; as Nilbo says, I've really "come out" recently ;)

nilbo, my VERY first blog experience was here at the Cotillion, before I had my own blog, when I emailed our lovely hostess pornographic photos of friends, and she posted them.

bucky, you and la pix? But I always thought . . . we were gonna go to camp together and . . .
Oh well, squirl made me an honorary third sister; I'll stick with that.

10:31 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

the topic is "rides that ain't what they oughtta be." There.

susie = prescient.

um, BFE? apparently my July became your August. sorry?

10:37 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Girls, girls, don't fight - there's plenty of Bucky to go 'round.

No, really. PLENTY.

10:37 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Opera gal, I see that you feel my pain.

Really, at this moment, my function is babysitting until the repair guy can get here. I have Jim out gettin' me lunch right now, 'cause I didn't eat this morning, I was just gonna be here for a minute!

"I'm not even supposed to BE here."

10:39 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

"I'm not even supposed to BE here." Now THAT is an existential musing, if ever I heard one ...

I love that all these women are fighting over you. It fuels such lovely daydreams for me ...

10:54 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said... are cut from the same cheesecloth as my husband.

11:12 AM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

I used to get forced call-outs in the middle of the night.
Once, I told the supervisor "Sorry, but I've had a few drinks."
The reply was "Well... how many? Can someone drive you?"
They'd allow me to work on equipment transmitting up to 660 volts while drunk?
Safety first, eh?

1:18 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Moody, huh?

Is there a little Bucky bun in the oven?

2:59 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Sierrabella - I recommend drinking before working with high-voltage equipment. Life's too short to be a safety wuss!

Torrie - Well, if there is, I'd better pack my Bucky bags, 'cause Jim will be waitin' for me with a hatchet. Seein' as how it couldn't possibly be his and all.

And really, folks, the snooze alarm on my biological time clock does not ring anymore.

3:05 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

blogger's pissin' me off! this is kind of a first for me - I've been waiting to post a comment for over an hours and now? now?!? I can't remember what the hell I wanted to say!!?!?

mustah not been too important, eh?

5:10 PM, August 05, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, here's to turning that crap-filled joyride into a joy-filled crap-ride.

I think.

Click my name for some Who Gives A Crap Toast. I hear it's good with the Tits-Up Tea and Server Shit the Bed Soup.

5:57 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Closet Metro said...

"lots of bein' fucked, but no sex."

Sounds like my life.

7:32 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Annejelynn - who knows? Maybe you discovered the secret of life, and then Blogger blew it right out of your mind.
That's just plain sad.

Girl.A - nice toast. You think that Tits-Up Tea would help with my firmness issues?

Closet - awwwwww, is that more of the Minnesota Disappointment of which you spoke earlier?

8:22 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Kitty - my answer bags thank you!
And you gotta watch those anal sneak attacks, even when perpetrated by yourself.

9:07 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I hope you are "bedridden" this weekend, to help you recover from all this stress. (By "Nanina"'s definition ;)

9:53 PM, August 05, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Emphasis on the "ridden" I suppose?

I'll tell Jim my Internet therapist prescribed it.

4:35 AM, August 06, 2005  

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