the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, July 29, 2005

Fleeting thoughts and Fleet enemas

  • Ha! Drew you right in with the enema talk, didn't I? Well, it was just a tease. There will be no water-up-the-butt talk in this post. I don't think there will be, anyway.
  • I was at the doctor's office yesterday, and had rather a long wait before I was ushered back to the Scales of Doom. For some reason, I just couldn't take my eyes off the coat tree in the waiting room. Well, actually, there was a damned good reason: it dawned on me how supremely phallic the thing is. It's like a giant wooden phallus, with half a dozen smaller but still impressive phallettes sprouting from it. It was riveting.
    C'mon, folks, admit it - dick-like objects are simply fascinating.
  • TMI alert! Following on the, ah, heels of the phallic coat rack, I found myself with a mild case of Penis Envy. Do you men have any idea how hard it is for a woman to pee into a specimin jar? You guys with your point-and-shoot pee-pees don't even know how easy you've got it. I was thinkin' this as I pissed all over my hand tryin' to get some pee, any pee, into the little jar with the ridiculously small opening. Luckily, I'd downed a liter of Dasani before my appointment, so there was plenty o' piss for the jar, my hand, and the water in the toilet. Still, I had a fair amount of cleanup to do before returning to the exam room. I may now be know at Dr. E's office by my new code name: Ol' Piss Fingers. Which is no improvement at all over my previous code name, Ol' Plain Titties.
  • More TMI alert! You will all be so jealous to know that the doc gave me some medicine that turns my urine bright, blinding orange. It's very psychedelic and trippy. If you'd like pictures, email me!
  • I've tagged myself (and if you'd like pictures, email me)...no, not like that! I am a self tagger from Squirl's latest meme. So my top ten turn ons/turn offs will be forthcoming.
  • I was gonna write about the phallus and the orange piss yesterday, but honestly, Squirl lent me her copy of the first Harry Potter book, and I just dug into it last night, and I couldn't put the fucker down! So, if you wanna blame somebody for my lack of a post last night, you can blame Squirl, or JK Rowling. Or my mom for teachin' me to read.
  • Just now found out Jim and I get to go see Joan Jett and the Blackhearts at the Genesee County Fair next month! I saw them once many, many years ago, when she was tourin' for Up Your Alley, and the drunk next to me on the grass kept shouting: "I love myself for hating you!"
    And you know I will absolutely wear my assless chaps to see Joan. Has there ever been a more appropriate occasion for black leather? I think not. Not that I will write about here, anyway.

29 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Did you know you can buy Fleets by the CASE at Amazon? Sure, you can go there, buy fleet enemas, anal beads and a lovely 30 quart turkey fryer. They've got everything!

Speaking of your specimen collection problem... I can totally relate... check my blog entry regarding my trip home and the befouled airplane lavatory escapade... it's a shame that if someone can actually AIM their pisser, that sadly most DO NOT. BLECH!!! Ol' piss fingers! LOL!

http://thoughtnuggets.blogspot.com/2005/07/terra-firma-partys-over.html

12:44 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Yeah, Joan Jett! She's great!

Last time I did the urine test the chick actually knocked mine over on the counter and I had to magically produce another.

12:45 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Nugget - Yeah, is it so hard to simply grab hold of the ol' tallywhacker and aim that stream? Geez!

Mr. B - that is simply a waste of good urine. Don't cry over spilled piss? Ha! Easy for somebody to say who isn't bein' asked to produce two gallons in five minutes.

1:07 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

All right! You've started Harry Potter. I told you it was a good read. You knew that would get my attention more than Ol' Piss Fingers, right? Looking forward to your meme. Thanks for tagging yourself. I bet no one relieves himself in your parking lot. Except, maybe, Snickers.

Hope you enjoy Joan Jett!

1:22 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

I don't blame Squirl or J.K. Rowling.

I blame Mrs. Pretzeldick.

Or whatever the hell her name was.

1:26 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

She was cute Bucky, so I managed to squeeze out another.

By the way, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I know someone that you can bring to near puking if you say "enema." It's amazing how I develop turrets when she's around.

1:36 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

We saw Joan in Sturgis year before last, she was pretty good altho I wanted her to have her JETT black hair. It wasn't the same looking at a bleach blonde.

Speaking of phallic, the Nasa peeps had a miniture of the solid rocket booster thingie sitting on the desk next to their spokesman yesterday. It was rather distracting. ;-)

1:36 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Squirl - I don't really have a parking lot, and not even Snickers pees in the driveway. But as big as my yard is? Let's just say Snickers is not the only family member to've relieved himself or herself in our yard.

Mr. B - that's gotta be great fun! I work with a guy who can make himself nauseous if he even sees a tampon commercial. His mind just starts to work overtime, and before you know it, he's gaggin'. And don't think we all don't try to make it worse if given the chance.

Milkmaid - Yeah, I'm still not used to Joan with the short blonde hair yet, either. Which is sad, since she's been like that for a while now.
I missed the NASA phallus. Surely it's on a web site somewhere, though...

1:49 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Oops, LadyBug - I would heartily subscribe to callin' her Mrs. Pretzeldick, but...well, pretezels and dick are two of my favorite things!

2:00 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

*snork*

Because, as you know, my life is a musical, you can imagine the song running through my head now...

"Warm, salty pretzels and big ding-a-lings,
These are a few of my favorite things!"

2:06 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Joan was back in black on my last sighting. She's much shorter than I realized too, and looks great.

Tampon commercial? Wuss.

2:17 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Mr B - Joan is pretty petite. She just has the soul of a bouncer trapped inside her.

And you shoulda seen my friend the day we made him "Tampax Tea." It was a gagfest!

2:32 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

OMG, ya got me seeing phallic symbols everywhere! I just uploaded a new pic of my pegasus ashtray that looks like a zippo lighter. (The Flicker link is on my blogsite).
Anyhow, apparently the artist who drew up the design has PegaPenis envy. Can you find the PegaPenis? I know it's a PegaPenis because it is blue for boy.
httt://deeplypurplethroat.blogspot.com

3:09 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

Oh and anyone see the front page of the New York Times today?

The Pic looks like a toy for Bucky's Love Maw. DickscoveryToys.

3:14 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

Oh the peeing in the cup! Once, when I was like seven months preggers, I was to go in the can and pee, and the nurse told me that there were plastic specimen jars with lids in the bathroom. I went in, grabbed a jar, got myself organized. I couldn't get the jar open. So I reefed on it, and WAAAHHHH! It explodes open WITH SOMEONE ELSES PEE IN IT THAT GOES ALL OVER ME.

I almost died. I had grabbed the jar from the jars that were 'ready for the lab', not the empty ones. And it was a man's pee. Ugh.

3:38 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Amy's comment had me - literally - laughing out loud at my desk...and doing that cough-cover-up/throat-clearing thing to mask it.

On another note...I can NOT BELIEEEEEEEVE you totally ignored my song, Katy Caverna. I sang it in my best English-accented, Julie Andrews voice and everything.

::pouting::

3:42 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger song said...

Amy - congratulations that is the most disgusting thing I've heard all day. And seeing as I spent the day with my brother, it's quite an achievement!

Bucky - with psychadelic orange pee I bet youre regretting not going ahead withthe bucky-on-toilet calendar.

3:44 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

LadyBug! I can't believe I missed your song! I have finally gone and lost my marbles today.
Julie Andrews got nothin' on you, that old biatch.

DP - Pegasus would HAVE to be a boy. A girl horse couldn't fly with her teats a-hangin' like that...

Amy - I'm alternating between "Ewwwww!" and "Bwahahahaaaaaaa!" Don't you hate it when piss goes horribly wrong?

Song - I guess it's not too late for the toilet calendar. The orange pee should definitely be for October, I think.

3:51 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Hopefully Joan has recovered from meeting Mr. Blog, The Almighty, and my damn se'f. She's still great and not difficult to look at.

When we saw her in '96 (?), she had the blonde thing going and while it wasn't bad, it definitely brought on one of those What The Fuck (WTF) moments. Thankfully, she's back in black and all is well.

As far as the pisser, they need to make a special kind of toilet for that kind of special event. One where you do your thing and it's instantly zapped into a specimen bottle. Give it some kick ass name like Pot o' Gold or something. I should be taking this to the patent office, but I'm sharing it with you good people.

4:17 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Peein' in a cup.
Last time I had to do it, there were numerous instructions, wipes, and a marker pen to write your name.
All I'd like to see is a mark on the cup as to how full they really need it to be.

5:07 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

my favorite part of the peein in a cup experience is when i think i'm smart and write my name on the cup before i use it just to go wash my hands and realize the permanent marker wasn't quite dry... i'm a very pourous person and explaining why i have my name on my thumb backwards isn't exactly fun.

it's coming... shift cup... shoot, missed it (stop wazzer)... shift cup again, sleeve slips as wazzer comes forth again... drop cup in bowl... wazzer goes faster longer harder more... can't stop wazzer, DIVE DIVE... collect cup as wazzer stops... go back to nurse with pee water. act ignorant when they indicate it's too diluted and you have a unknown infection of sorts.

5:15 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

*change shirt*

5:16 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I am COMPLETELY saddened by: "And it was a MAN'S pee. Ugh."

Like man's pee is worst for some reason?

Like I have icky pee?

:(

7:25 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

(oh, and Kitty? LUV the visual!)

7:26 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

Mr. Bloggerific -It really does seem as tho man's pee is grosser for some reason. My fiancee can stand there and pee for a good minute...yea it's pretty funny to *hear* sometimes but imagine how long all that pee is inside him...probably not even sterile anymore. Now, when you're pee is orange, welll sompin's UP.

Bucky - hello...again...you are so inspriational, so inspirational in fact that a childhood memory came to mind and I just posted it. Enjoy.

7:57 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

I like the Pot-o-Gold idea. Piss fingers...eew. Mr. B didn't you know that boys have cooties?! Even a kindergarten girl can tell you THAT! I bet Bucky knew before then, even.

1:38 AM, July 30, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Let's see, my piss is a spewing fountain, a germ-filled flow of funk and Bucky is more omniscient than a Kindergartener.

Cool!

Now who wants to jump in the golden shower with me?!?!?! Don’t be shy kids!

“Jump in the water, come on baby get wet with me.” P. Gabriel

8:46 AM, July 30, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

speaking of phallic goodness

11:22 AM, July 30, 2005  
Blogger Romani Heart said...

Joan Jett opened for Def Leppard when I drug my daughter to one of their concerts a couple of years ago. It was payback for having to take her to see the Backstreet Boys. I think she got her first contact high that night. I was screaming in her ear "THAT SMELL? IT'S POT.. DON'T INHALE" I had a Bill Clinton flashback.

11:43 AM, July 30, 2005  

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