Fleeting thoughts and Fleet enemas

• Ha! Drew you right in with the enema talk, didn't I? Well, it was just a tease. There will be no water-up-the-butt talk in this post. I don't think there will be, anyway.
• I was at the doctor's office yesterday, and had rather a long wait before I was ushered back to the Scales of Doom. For some reason, I just couldn't take my eyes off the coat tree in the waiting room. Well, actually, there was a damned good reason: it dawned on me how supremely phallic the thing is. It's like a giant wooden phallus, with half a dozen smaller but still impressive phallettes sprouting from it. It was riveting.
  C'mon, folks, admit it - dick-like objects are simply fascinating.
  
• TMI alert! Following on the, ah, heels of the phallic coat rack, I found myself with a mild case of Penis Envy. Do you men have any idea how hard it is for a woman to pee into a specimin jar? You guys with your point-and-shoot pee-pees don't even know how easy you've got it. I was thinkin' this as I pissed all over my hand tryin' to get some pee, any pee, into the little jar with the ridiculously small opening. Luckily, I'd downed a liter of Dasani before my appointment, so there was plenty o' piss for the jar, my hand, and the water in the toilet. Still, I had a fair amount of cleanup to do before returning to the exam room. I may now be know at Dr. E's office by my new code name: Ol' Piss Fingers. Which is no improvement at all over my previous code name, Ol' Plain Titties.
• More TMI alert! You will all be so jealous to know that the doc gave me some medicine that turns my urine bright, blinding orange. It's very psychedelic and trippy. If you'd like pictures, email me!
• I've tagged myself (and if you'd like pictures, email me)...no, not like that! I am a self tagger from Squirl's latest meme. So my top ten turn ons/turn offs will be forthcoming.
• I was gonna write about the phallus and the orange piss yesterday, but honestly, Squirl lent me her copy of the first Harry Potter book, and I just dug into it last night, and I couldn't put the fucker down! So, if you wanna blame somebody for my lack of a post last night, you can blame Squirl, or JK Rowling. Or my mom for teachin' me to read.
  
• Just now found out Jim and I get to go see Joan Jett and the Blackhearts at the Genesee County Fair next month! I saw them once many, many years ago, when she was tourin' for Up Your Alley, and the drunk next to me on the grass kept shouting: "I love myself for hating you!"
  And you know I will absolutely wear my assless chaps to see Joan. Has there ever been a more appropriate occasion for black leather? I think not. Not that I will write about here, anyway.