It's come to this, has it?
In the previous post, I mentioned that I had rejected the notion of makin' a Cafe Press calendar of myself with a themed toilet pose for each month.
The wise and mildly, and by mildly I mean outrageously and gargantuanly, tumescent Nilbo suggested that I instead create a calendar featuring nude (as in naked, disrobed, au naturale, nekkid) photos of 12 of my favorite bloggers.
Now, in all honesty, I don't think Cafe Press would allow me to make a calendar like this. But I had a few eager responses in the comments on that last post, and it occurred to me that it would be cruel of me to deprive any of you the chance at that dream, the dream of bein' on a Naked Bloggers calendar.
So, I'm proposing this: Go on and send me your best naked pictures of yourself, IF YOURSELF IS OVER THE AGE OF 18 YEARS. I don't guarantee that Cafe Press will allow me to actually make this calendar, of course. Hell, I don't even guarantee that there will be a calendar. But then you will have the satisfaction of tellin' your friends, "My picture is under consideration for a very prestigious calendar, nyah."
What I do guarantee is that for every naked picture I'm sent, someone in my house will be very happy.
Man, I've been hangin' around you sickos for too long now, haven't I?
(Oh, and just in case anyone has read this far and actually taken me seriously, the address is bucky4eyes AT gmail DOT com)
Oh, and for GOD'S SAKE, my siblings are NOT eligible for this calendar!
The wise and mildly, and by mildly I mean outrageously and gargantuanly, tumescent Nilbo suggested that I instead create a calendar featuring nude (as in naked, disrobed, au naturale, nekkid) photos of 12 of my favorite bloggers.
Now, in all honesty, I don't think Cafe Press would allow me to make a calendar like this. But I had a few eager responses in the comments on that last post, and it occurred to me that it would be cruel of me to deprive any of you the chance at that dream, the dream of bein' on a Naked Bloggers calendar.
So, I'm proposing this: Go on and send me your best naked pictures of yourself, IF YOURSELF IS OVER THE AGE OF 18 YEARS. I don't guarantee that Cafe Press will allow me to actually make this calendar, of course. Hell, I don't even guarantee that there will be a calendar. But then you will have the satisfaction of tellin' your friends, "My picture is under consideration for a very prestigious calendar, nyah."
What I do guarantee is that for every naked picture I'm sent, someone in my house will be very happy.
Man, I've been hangin' around you sickos for too long now, haven't I?
(Oh, and just in case anyone has read this far and actually taken me seriously, the address is bucky4eyes AT gmail DOT com)
Oh, and for GOD'S SAKE, my siblings are NOT eligible for this calendar!
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 3:50 PM
42 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
I think the internet, as a whole, has seen way way way too much of me being naked already.
WAY.
So glad you clarified the "no siblings" part of that rule. Since I'm someone's sibling, I declare myself ineligible, too. You could call it "Bloggers in the Buff" or "Buck-Nekked Bloggers" or "Bucky's Nekked Blog-Ho's"...shall I go on?
"mildly"?
"MILDLY"????????
You just lost February, sister. 'Cause that's the best I got.
Jess - I think the Internet as a Whole would disagree.
Eclectic - I like it - "Bucky's Nekkid Blog Ho's" has a sweet ring to it.
Nilbo - Oh, alright...how about "the OUTRAGEOUSLY tumescent Nilbo"?
Are we back on for February?
You're going to get way more than 12 contenders!
Perhaps a consolation prize is in order for those who don't get chosen... like a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni the San Francisco Treat! *heh heh heh*
Like you REALLY had to do the siblings disclaimer???
like BFE is really going to give away Rice-A_roni? We all know the end of THAT story.
I think Jess has enough photos to do a day-by-day calendar.
Ha.. I've got an old "boob" pic I used to show men in chatrooms, back when I was a chat 'ho. No face though, way too scary.
DP - I could make 'em smooth like a Ken doll.
Sierrabella - Nuh uh, I've sworn off the Rice-a-Roni (the San Francisco Treat) promises. That just got me in hot water and a frumpy blue dress. All I'm promisin' now is that I'll look at y'all's nekkid pictures.
Squirl - I've found that, in life, one can never be too specific.
Opera gal - I will never offer pasta and/or rice again. I still wake up in a cold sweat, convinced I have that awful dress on...
Romani heart - might as well just give 'em the boob right up front - it's what they're lookin' at anyway.
Tardist - wow, that's so incredibly generous of you! I'll just forward this flood of mammalian protruberences to you...
Better. You get Leaped on.
Woohoo, I've got my 28-day man back!
I would sooo buy that calendar. How about nekkid heads? I got one of those.
ok, butonly if I get to be September, dammit. I like that month.
and wait until a little later, I'm too tired to go searching through my 'naughty pics' files atm.
Jess, there is no such thing as you being nekkid too much, just NOT ENOUGH. Like the ass-less chaps of wonder, we, the internet CANNOT GET ENOUGH.
LOL. I love you.
I sent you a pic. I triple dog dare you to post it. Tempt google bitch.
Follow me down the path of naked.
Chicken.
Kranki - hey, nekkid is nekkid. Bring it on!
DP - one o' my fave effects - specially if there's nudity involved.
Song - of course you can be September. What month do you think my chaps picture oughtta be?
Kristine - does this mean you're gonna be on the calendar, too?
Jess - Hmmm, a triple dog dare, huh? Wow, I haven't passed one of those up since...well, since I got triple dog dared to have sex with three dogs at once.
Whatta you folks think? Would nudity spoil the innocence of the Cotillion?
Going to a triple dog dare right out of the gate is a serious violation of daring protocol. Everybody knows it goes:
1. Dareya
2. Double-dare ya
3. Double dog dareya
4. Triple dareya
and, the ultimate:
5. Triple dog dareya.
(This is standard protocol, mind you. Kids today have come up with such inventions as the "I million, kajillion, googleillion-dog dareya". Which is just ... well, silly.)
All that said, despite Jess's clear violation, I think you have to post the picture of herself she sends you. I'm sorry, but ... well ... that's the law of triple dog dares. Are you a chicken ... or not?
Simple question.
Nilbo - you're probably spot-on with the dare protocol, but since when have I ever followed any sort of protocol 'round these parts?
Am I chicken? Well, I AM chicken enough not to be manipulatin' and postin' nude photos - even those that are not of me - at work.
And, come on. You know Jess was kiddin'. Do you really think she's the kind of girl to actually take nekkid pics of herself, much less send them to a friend in email?
Oh, wait.
Never mind.
Two words:
Bawk. Bawk.
Nilbo - the two words I'm most afraid of if I start lookin' at nudie pix at work:
pink slip
(I prefer a black slip myself)
Oh, and speakin' of "bawk bawk" -- I sure don't see any nekkid Nilbo in my inbox.
*taps foot, looks at watch*
I am too innocent for this.
my blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold, angel is a centerfold.
Hey Bucky, DON'T open my pic at work :)
No, for God's sake, don't open Song's picture at work. I wouldn't want to see you in a pink slip. Wait. I meant GET a pink slip. I'd love to see you in a pink slip. Assless. Where was I?
Oh, right, don't open song's pic at work. Simply forward it to me and I will tell you if it is safe. I'm really hoping not.
Oh, and Torrie ... yes, my dear, you are far too innocent for this. I can see the blush in your cheeks from here.
Oh, hang on. Different cheeks. Nevermind.
Torrie - Um, yeah.
That is all.
DP - Gollum=Google would explain a lot.
Song - stirrin' up my J Geils high school memories!
Haven't got your mail yet - must be that cross-hemisphere thing.
Nilbo - you're so fuckin' helpful it brings a tear to my eye...
Not saying another word until Nilbo gets nekked.
Yeah, Nilbo, you don't wanna be responsible for stoppin' the conversation 'round here, do ya?
so have you got it? (forwarded to Nilbo or not)? coz maybe I screwed up the address. coz it's all early in the morning and stuff.
Did Nilbo send the picture? Can we comment again?
Song - yup, it did come through about ten minutes later. And I ain't forwardin' shit to Nilbo 'til he ponies up, so to speak.
Squirl - I suppose we might as well comment, I think Nilbo got camera shy on us.
Sorry, I should have said to click on my name for the assless chaps accessory...
And then again there's this wonderful sounding lip balm. I'd pay money for a calendar filled with pics of blog people applying chicken poop to their lips.
http://tinyurl.com/bjjmr
Hey, it's Amazon. It's wholesome, right?
Girl.A, good to see you and your sicko links are at large again!
I won't spoil the surprise behind your name in the first post, but let's talk about the chicken poop. I think we could run with this idea - 12 bloggers pose in various stages of chicken poop application. It's almost just too glorious to imagine!
Besides!
The Chicken Poop would keep their lips from getting chapped.
The options for rubbing Chicken Poop on lips are ass-tounding!
It's equal opportunity for all genders and enders.
But wait!
If the chicken poop is anti chapping...can I still wear my chaps?
I mean, chicken poop is special, and there's nothing I want more than chicken poop on my monkey, but I don't know if it'd be worth givin' up the chaps...
Well, you can wear the ass and the chaps and the Chicken Poop all at once.
Or you could go for the Pussy Pucker Pots "Muffberry" Vegan Lip Balm. Muffberry flavor sounds kinda good.
http://tinyurl.com/9ulpd
Maybe you could do a "spread" of bloggers spreading all kinds of different lip balms on their .. lips?
You've heard of Bag balm (tttttooooo tingly for the "bag") well, now there's Bag o' Balls:
http://tinyurl.com/86m4q
Extra Strength Bitch:
http://tinyurl.com/c2aoz
Or if you crave something big on your lips:
Long Dong Lip Balm
http://tinyurl.com/bq6rs
Nilbo!! For the love of all that's holy man, look what's happening here! We hold you responsible -- so get nekked and get over here. Stop the insanity!
Wow, these Pussy Pucker Post, umm, come, in so many tasty-sounding flavors!
Areola Apricot, Chocolate Nipple Ripple, Clitoris Citrus, Don't Need No MANgo, Labia Lemon, MuffBerry, Nice Melons, Plain Ol' Prude, Shaved Peach, Strawberry Snatch, TaTa Tangerine and Vanilla Vulva
I haven't gone muffberry pickin in ages! Reminds me of my lip-glossed youth...
http://tinyurl.com/b97dq
With all those pussy pucker pots from which to choose, there should not be an unbalmed lip in the Kingdom!
Huzzah!
I'm sorry ... I was out golfing. Did I miss something ...?
lets just those of us who lead lives of quiet depravity may have been found out: it's all in the balm.
Nilbo - the demand for your schlong is reaching a fever pitch.
But then, I guess you're used to that.
Opera gal - Your pussy pucker pot secrets are safe here at the Cotillion.
Right, guys?
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