the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Take that, biatch!

Between Kindergarten and my bachelor degree, there have been a lot of teachers and professors who've made substantial positive contributions to my development as the person I am now. But I'm not here to write about them. I wanna talk about that bitch they let loose on me in 4th grade.

Her name is Mrs. Prelesnick (prellz-nik) and I can only imagine she was smack in the throes of change o' life when I was assigned to her class. She was moody, sarcastic, and snippy with us - we were ten years old, fer chrissake.

Now, at the time, I was considered one of the Brainiacs in class (see my posts with the heading The Drunk Diaries for proof that this was not true once I got to college), so you'd think I would get a little teacher's-pet deferential treatment. Uh....no. She ragged on my ass just as bad as she did the other kids, maybe even worse sometimes. To be fair, I had already developed a fair amount of the attitude y'all see here every day, but still...I just think she didn't like me. Maybe she couldn't let go of the day I pointed out her misuse of the words "lose" and "loose" in front of the whole class, and then proceeded to get a dictionary and prove her wrong in front of everyone when she tried to shush me. Hmmm, yeah, that might've been it.

Up until the 4th grade, I had more or less been allowed to sit in the room during parent/teacher conferences. Yes, it's true, I was quite the little goody two-shoes until I discovered rock music, and that wouldn't be until the ruining age of 12. So why wouldn't Mrs. P let me sit in on her conference with my mom? I knew I was performing (academically) well ahead of most of the other kids in class. Oh, well, it wasn't that big a deal and I hung out in the hallway until Mom came out.

My mom was actually stifling a laugh as she came out, and even then I knew enough to wait until we were outside to ask.

"What's so funny? What'd she say?" I wanted to know.

She laughed and replied, "She said she found out that we had allowed you to read The Exorcist last year, and she was very concerned."

"What?"

"She said if we allowed that sort of thing, you'd grow up to be on drugs."

Mrs. P's leap of logic brought mother and daughter together for a hearty laugh at the old dried-up cunt's expense.

Now I've grown up (debatable) to be something much, much worse than the drug addict she foresaw: I am a blogger! A vulgar motherfuckin' blogger who's not afraid to tackle jizz and buffalo piss head-on. A $2 whore to the Internet as a Whole.

I wonder if it would make Mrs. P's head explode if I told her I saw her baby daughter smokin' a big ol' doob at a party about seven years later?

41 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger SierraBella said...

Bucky-
Did you loan "The Exorcist" to Mrs. P's daughter and lead her into a life of drugs?

Maybe she's one of your readers...

8:40 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

A mature adult, out-brained, out-maneuvered, out-smarted and out-classed by 10-year-old Bucky.... OUTSTANDING! It soooo had to suck to be her, no wonder she didn't keep tabs on her offspring.

9:09 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I don't remember hearing about the lose/loose thing. Good for a you. You actually liked school before that. I really disliked that bitch for treating you like that.

Now you've got Ichabod and me talking about the movie The Exorcist and looking up it's different incarnations on imdb.com.

9:17 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

...the next day would have Bucky bringing in a can of pea soup for teacher rather than an apple.

I started to say something about a crucifix...but I hear my bowl of orange sherbet beckoning, or it might be thunder outside.

9:45 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Sierrabella - I see you have divined my evil little plan. And if she reads here? Even evil-er. Muahahahahaaaaa!

Eclectic - Almost sounds like a Survivor motto...I would have voted that bitch off the island!

Squirl - Yeah, she and Miss Briegle should never, ever have been teaching grade school. Hags.

10:12 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Mr. B - I'm too slow! I was just thinkin' I might pee on her throw rug...

10:26 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

i think it is time to invite her to the Cotillion. Set it up just right...ya know...suck up to her (if she is still alive and has e-mail) and we all could have LOTS of fun with her in here!

10:44 PM, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Jeffs place said...

You coulda told her the doob was ditch weed with buffalo piss on it.

11:01 PM, July 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fourth grade was a tough year. I flunked flutophone that year. It sucked and so did Mrs. Bumann, the fckng whore!

11:37 PM, July 27, 2005  
Anonymous dazed and confuzed said...

I had the most serious crush on my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Eskale (ESS-ka-lee). This was years before I realized I take it in the face, y'understand. Now I know I was just using her to get to her doctor husband.

I only had one teacher that I hated - seventh grade math. That bastard made me sit UNDER his desk while he sat in his desk chair. The perv. 'Course, upon reflection, I don't think it would take that long of a prison term to get him to do my hair, if you catch my drift. Like, maybe jury duty.

12:11 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

What is it about fourth grade teachers? Mine was named Miss Fogg and she made fourth grade hell for the entire class.

12:48 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

My fourth grade teacher was Mrs. Gladys White and I swear she was at least 400 years old. Heidi Mechalke gave her a big ol' bottle of Scope for Christmas that year. I think Heidi failed fourth grade...

1:09 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Ern said...

Wonder what she allowed that led her daughter down the drug path?

3:11 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Now that everyone's mentioning fourth grade teachers, I had Sister Clovis. She was short, but had a reputation for being the toughest teacher in the school.

What's even funnier, though, is the only time I really saw her old, wrinkly face smile was when she met toddler Bucky. Bucky were you on good behavior that day? Or were just turning on that Bucky charm so much that she just couldn't resist?

6:47 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

That rotten old Spellz! I'll kill her with a fork for ragging on my Bucky.

7:41 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

Um, AFTER I learn how to read, I guess. I meant PRELLZ.

7:42 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

DP - If she's still alive, I hope her stoned daughter is refusing to change her diaper right now.

Jeff's place - where I'm from, it might have been just that. Well, we didn't have buffalo, but maybe seagull piss?

Diana - Consider Mrs. Bumann on the Big Shit List now. She will be reckoned with on judgement day, most likely with a splintery ruler. 'Nuff said.

Dazed - I had to read your comment in two tries, as the first paragraph alone had me near to the pants-pissin' stage.
You think Mrs. Eskale saw right through you?
And what of this math teacher who made the boys sit under his desk? You are so right about the hair dresser in him. Bet he wouldn't get away with that shit now!

SS Nick - I wonder if 4th grade is the year when they decide to toughen us up for the real world. We should do some kinda survey. "Your 4th grade teacher: Monster or nice old lady?"

Eclectic - Did Gladys White have any Pips?
(I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF)

Ern - I think, actually, having a totally unreasonable cunt for a mother probably pushed her down the path of drugs. And she probably let her watch Scooby Doo. 'Nuff said.

Squirl - Sister Clovis smiled because I told her she had great tits. Nuns eat that shit up.

Amy - spell the bitch's name any way you like, just keep that fork handy! Between you with your fork and Jess with her Holly Hobby umbrella, I feel pretty protected.

7:55 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

This reminds me so much of a teacher I had my junior year of high school. I started to leave a long and rambling comment here, but I think maybe I'll blog it, instead of taking up so much room in your comments.

9:41 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

LadyBug - feel free to ramble here all you want, but I shall be lookin' for your post as well!

10:21 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

Erm, no on the Pips. Polyps, probably yes, but Pips, not so much.

I'm so disappointed in you.

*heh*

11:03 AM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Gladys White and the Polyps.

I think we have a winnah!

2:45 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

SOooooooooooooooooooooo.....



Wheres all the naked pics people are sending you?

Chicken.

6:38 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Jess - It's just that...I've gotten so very, very many, I don't know where to start.

Bwahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!

6:49 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

On the other side of the coin, I took AC/DC's Back In Black for milk break entertainment in the 6th grade.

On a side note, I was considered gifted at the time. I've spent a lifetime proving them wrong. I won.

7:46 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Bone Machine, shake a leg, shoot to thrill and show ‘em your stuff. I'm too bashful to show my nakedness to Caverna and crew.

8:01 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Bone Machine - 6th grade must be the year the rocker breaks out. I rememeber bringin' Tardist's hand-me-down copy of Frank Zappa Apostrophe in 6th grade.
(um, vinyl, kids - they didn't have CDs yet)
Sounds like Mr. B thinks you're still gifted.

Mr. B - no Mr. Nakedriffic Himself for Caverna, huh?

8:23 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:30 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger SunDenine said...

One of my friggin elementary teachers had Judy blume books taken off the shelves. I was the one that was reading it so I was the one who got teased for it. Everyone thought it was my parents who had it taken off the shelves!

It was in junior high so you can just imagine what I went through...besides that, I didn't have boobs yet so I was teased for that too in the locker room...(douchebags Jessica, REAL douchebag HAGS!....my blood boils when I think of all that bullshit!!!!!

8:34 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

I saw my first concert in 5th grade (Kiss/Judas Priest), but 6th grade was where I started checking out other bands than Kiss and Cheap Trick.

At my elderly state, I am a recovering Kiss fan.

8:36 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Nope. I keep covered at all times.

8:42 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

4th grade... ditch weed... getting mr. Bloggy himself naked...

Why didn't I get here sooner?

11:57 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

OK, Bone Man, Mr B., and Barbara Striesand... have photoshop... will travel?

11:58 PM, July 28, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Okay, Bucky, I, um, GOT IT UP.

*snork*

10:21 AM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

DP - I fear some communities hover about ten minutes from book burnings.

Bone Machine - you will never fully recover from Kiss. You can just hope your woman never finds your Ace Frehely doll.

Mr. B - Whatcha gonna do on Nekkid Bloggers' Day? It's an official holiday. I just made it up.

Kitty - maybe you'd have been here sooner if you weren't busy hosin' your tits down in the produce section. Not that I blame you. If I had your rack, I'd be wearin' white and hosin' it down all the time, too.
And bring on the Boney/Bloggy/Barbra pictures! Kin-kay!

LadyBug - wow, you got it up so fast! I am impressed. Did you have chemical assistance?
Your story is HILARIOUS - everyone needs to check it out because it so trumps my teacher story!

10:46 AM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Thanks, Bucky. And yes, I DID have chemical assistance...just not the kind the spammers are offering to me daily. It was caffeine.

11:02 AM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

What am I gonna do on Nekkid Bloggers day?

Ogle!

11:05 AM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

So you're saying that I shouldn't have posted the office photo of plastic bastage Ace?

For any Cotillion sophisticates that didn't intermingle with the riff-raff of Your Packaging Sucks when the shit lovingly attacked the fan, here's a self-indulgent office tour including a glimpse of the aforementioned Mr. Frehley:

http://yourpackagingsucks.blogspot.com/2005/06/grand-tour-of-disgracelandfor-office.html

12:30 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

LadyBug - whatever gets the blood to the right places for you, girl.

Mr. B - Non-Nekkid bloggers are not permitted to attend Nekkid Bloggers' Day. So, ahem, pony up!

Bone Machine - I either saw that post before, or I made a damn lucky guess on Ace Frehely. Y'all need to go check that link and cleeck on all the links in the story for peectures.
Maybe your Ace Frehely doll and my Janis Joplin doll could hook up sometime. I know she'd like a man her own size, instead of that damn gigantic Londo Mollari who hovers over her daily.

12:57 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Plastic Bastage Ace is a known drunk, but his dance card is free now that he is no longer touring.

2:04 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

That's OK - Janis has been known to tip the bottle a bit herself, in between injections.

2:09 PM, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

A match made in somewhere in the Bowery.

4:05 PM, July 29, 2005  

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