the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, October 21, 2005

Back to our regularly scheduled absurdity

You knew it had to happen sooner or later. I know I have stayed awake too late on many a night, wondering just when the tchotchkes would begin to organize, to think independently, to assert their individuality as mass-produced plastic figurines. What's more frightening than the thought of your Star Wars Pez dispensers looming over you as you sleep, silently demanding their rights?

Well, I will concede that an incontinent baboon hangin' his ass over your face as you sleep might be slightly more terrifying, but work with me here, people.

I happened to be witness to an awe-inspiring display of solidarity today, as my Homies figurines decided that they'd had enough, and organized. Their purpose? The Million Miniatures March.


Of course, even among a group with a common goal, there will always be some minor disagreement and bickering amongst the participants.

Bitchiness breaks out when the Grim Reapers realize they've both worn exactly the same outfit.

The zoot suit pimp probably needs to stop checkin' out the doctor lady's ass, lest she give him some unwanted stitches.

And while the bitch with the rolling pin is quite welcome, who the fuck invited the mariachis?

You had to know the cheerleader couldn't keep her legs shut for an entire march. Is anyone surprised? I didn't think so.

Uh oh. You think the little guys dicked around too long before the march started? I don't remember the big guys bein' invited to this.

Oh, for the love of Raggedy Ann, did no one see the Gumby brutality coming?

Space Gumby either has no patience for festive Mexican music, or he's decided to make the diminutive mariachi his bitch. It could all be a ploy to make Space Pokey jealous, too.

Earthbound Gumby has taken a shine to the slutty cheerleader. I have a feeling her ability to do the splits will really come in handy here.

In the end, it's all carnage. The Gumby Gang does not tolerate the ambitions and aspirations of smaller tchotchkes. They're brutal motherfuckers like that.

29 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger MilkMaid said...

LMAO...I bet you were a riot to play Barbie's with.

Oh wait..I bet all your Barbie's had their heads torn off huh?

Don't touch my Barbies.

9:29 AM, October 21, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hooray for the Gumbys! I always root for the bad guy.

You'll notice that the Gumbys were always so quiet...that's a really good indicator that they're totally up for the mass-murder thing. Whenever they interview someone about a serial killer, they always say "he was so quite".

You'll notice they say the SAME thing about mimes.

9:34 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky, you have to tell milkmaid the Barbie head story.

About your post, "The horror, the horror!"

9:37 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Milkmaid - Heh heh heh heh...I was more of a GI Joe girl, if that makes you feel better. But I had a Barbie about ten years ago, and I ripped her head off (how did you know I'm like that? Hmmm...) and put it on my car antenna. It was so easy to pick my generic little hatchback out of a crowd then, and Barbie's hair got a permanent bigness to it, while her face got a nice wind-burned tint.
But I shall try to leave your Barbies unmolested and unbeheaded.

Dazed - I guess I will never be a serial killer, then. Nobody has EVER said "Oh, she's so quiet..."

Squirl - Barbie head has been spilled. And I just knew you'd feel sorry for the Homies. They appreciate it from their heap on my desk.

9:42 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

HAHAHAHAA....I'm thinking MilkMan needs a Barbie Head on his antenna.

Not THAT antenna. are so fucking funny... :D

9:58 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Unknown said...

Um, wow.

That is all.

Just WOW.

10:13 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

God help us all, there is a Google ad for "Squirrel Monkeys" on my blog.
Join me now in a chorus of:

10:33 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Milkmaid - every man wants a little head on his antenna, doesn't he? ;)

CKelli - Whaaaaat? At least the tchotchke porn is fairly mild this time. No Pokey boners.
Not this time.

10:34 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

squirl monkeys..... *heh*

10:42 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I'm going to ask Santa for homies. I gots me no homies. I needs me some. Space Gumby? I never . . .

10:50 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Ooh! I may have to get out the ReBoot action figures and the G-Force action figures for this one!


10:50 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Oh, and the Speed Racer figures even.

10:51 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Eclectic - I KNOW! It's almost like Google is taunting me...

Susie - everybody needs Homies. And Space Gumby says he'd like to be your little friend, too.

Mr. B - you have Speed Racer toys?
I knew you were dreamy...

11:37 AM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger hemlock said...

Has Pixar gotten a hold of you yet? I could totally see this turned into a flick!

12:03 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LeafGirl - I keep contacting Pixar, and they keep sending me those "We don't traffic in anal sex, even between figurines" form letters.

12:05 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Now I'm going to have nightmares of Gumby brutality!

12:38 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger hemlock said...

Jeeze. I hate those. It's a damn shame Bucky. This is art.

12:40 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

I always thought there was somthing going on with Gumby and slutty cheerleader. This has now been confirmed. ;)

12:48 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Whoops, I stayed home too long at lunch and the camera fell out of the bag and all these toys popped up and posed. Oh well.

1:32 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Effie - sorry to supplant your Pokey sex dreams.

LeafGirl - I guess I'm just destined to be the Robert Mapplethorpe of Blogsylvania.

Nanina - she had Gumby at "Goooooooo green!"

Mr. B - aaaaaah, how I love your tchotchkes. Nay, I covet your tchotchkes.
Am I allowed to do that in a public forum?

1:57 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Check out Mr. B's images:


2:02 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Covet, love it, and if we turn our heads you can even lovey-dove it. (Is that a Joan Jett song? Nah!)

Thank you for the links, I shoulda done that the first time around. May I please point out the location of the bad guy and the stripes on his chest and how they go with the blankie in the background?

2:06 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

I saw these on your Flickr this morning & cracked the hell up. Excellent for a Friday, just what the Cotillion needed.

4:48 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Um. What does the cheerleaders HH stand for? Ho High?

6:25 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

I bet the whole time he's hanging the meat to that hottie cheerleader, he's screaming out, "I'M GUMBY DAMMIT, AND YOU BETTA RECOGNIZE!!!!"

That's how it plays out in my mind anyway.


6:26 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

ha ha ha

Holy shit, we're one minute apart.

I guess that makes the Rabbit the eldest of the evil twins.

Evil twin powers.... Activate!!!!

6:28 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

You crack me up.

10:23 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

How did I miss squirrel monkeys????

10:42 PM, October 21, 2005  
Blogger Kranki said...

That is quite a collection...OF INSANITY!

12:16 AM, October 22, 2005  

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