the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Saturday, January 07, 2006

One man's trash is another man's blackmail fodder

It's not often I get in a cleaning mood, but today has been one of those rare occasions. I've been shredding the amazing mountain of old bills I've managed to accumulate, and have also been trying to free up space in my home office. There are just things that have to go, and I'm on a mission.

But you might not be surprised to learn that I unearthed some objects that I could not, in good conscience, classify as "normal" - not even close.

The first specimin is from my years at Meijer (it was a Christmas present from my boss), and is a vintage Flintstones alarm clock.

Flintstones alarm clock

Note the pterodactyl that rotates to represent the movement of seconds. This is one fancy godddamn clock. Somewhere, I have a matching wristwatch. It shall be my obsession 'til I find it, and then I can reunite the long-lost, star-crossed lovers.

I'm a little concerned about the alarm, though. Is it just me, or does this look like...somehow more than just an alarm meant to be rattled by a vibrating pterodactyl?

Alarm...or jumblies?

Is it perhaps less likely to be thrown 'cross the room if it looks like tits? I really could use these more strategically:

Alarm boobs
Oh, how they defy gravity. *sigh*

I also found something up here that I can't even honestly remember receiving. If you gave this to me, please refresh my memory.

While cleaning, I found a dick
Oh, like you've never found a penis candle underneath a stack of old utility bills. This must be in case of power failure. Or if there's ever a horny rat in the woodwork.

Flaming dick, anyone?
Make a wish...

Maybe I should clean house more often. Remember last month when we all prayed for dick? Hmmmm, I wonder...

And now, on a completely unrelated but equally absurd note, I give you the very latest in hairstyles for bats:

Dutch boy bat

Why? Why the fuck not?

Epilogue: It has been determined that Bucky's worsened dementia tonight has been caused by the odor emitted from shredding Polaroids. Who knew those things put up such a stank as they died?

14 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Nearly daily we use our glass Flintstones mugs that say RockDonald's on them. On the rare special occasions that brighten up life, I've been known to allow the use of the two remaining Return of the Jedi glasses from BK.

*heavy sigh* there used to be four of those in my collection.

7:32 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Candy said...

You penis candle has a very strong resemblance to a penis straw I was given at my bachlorette party before I married my x.


7:36 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

That hairstyle is so TOTALLY her/him. Ahem. I likeded it. You should be a stairhylist for real.

8:20 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

I love that Flinstone clock.
That is pretty damn cool.
I have one of those penis candles in my drawer and I got it at a sex toy party I think.
Not that you needed to know that of course.

9:55 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

Oh, no. Don't shred the Polaroids. Some day, you'll need them for evidence. Of . . . something.

10:23 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

Sundenine-oh, that's just evil!
I love the alarm clock, but a teeny tiny penic candle?
That's just strange...
Now, oddly enough, I feel the urge to go find some...

10:38 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

Oh, God...who hasn't been on Polaroid? Hello?
Just me?
Shit! Now I can't run for public office. *sigh*

10:49 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

*sniff* Thanks for lighting up our lives, with PENIS CANDLES.

11:44 PM, January 07, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

I think we should market the penis candles as "Dick Lites." Who's with me?

12:32 AM, January 08, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

'K the Flintstone clock is the coolest thing ever. And this cross-dressing bat needs its own TV show, I really do believe.

2:47 AM, January 08, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky, I'm reading your blog while watching a documentary on Jack Kerouac. How do I compare these?

There are no Flintstone clocks in this documentary.

9:40 AM, January 08, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

Would that be considered an old "bat"tleaxe? Teehee

Amazing what you can find when you clean up, eh?! Love the clock--I think it might hurt to keep your girls up that high for long though!

Umm, Mrtl--what flavour were those penis cookies? Just curious....they weren't kinda salty tasting, were they?

4:07 PM, January 08, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks, Bucky. You have brought laughter to me today when I felt like doing anything but laughing.

6:05 PM, January 08, 2006  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Hey! I think that chick in that last photo was a cheerleader at my old high school!

9:37 AM, January 09, 2006  

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