I am at your mercy
Well, since I whined and complained last night about not having been granted a middle name, Susie made the brilliant suggestion that I pick myself a middle name to celebrate my 40th birthday this month.
But, see, I'm not so good at that. The best middle name I ever picked for myself was Hephzibah, and I'm sorta over that now. So, as you can see, I'm not that imaginative when it comes to my own name -- hell, I didn't even pick Bucky Four-Eyes, my brother tagged me with that.
As a result, I've decided to let you, the Internet as a Whole, choose my new middle name for me. Now, nothin' too girlie, because I'm a little rougher around the edges that that. And anyone suggesting the names "Olga" or "Helga" will be immediately disqualified.
The winner of this contest will receive a photo of me in assless chaps, and a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni (the San Francisco treat). So let's have it, people! Name me, name me...
But, see, I'm not so good at that. The best middle name I ever picked for myself was Hephzibah, and I'm sorta over that now. So, as you can see, I'm not that imaginative when it comes to my own name -- hell, I didn't even pick Bucky Four-Eyes, my brother tagged me with that.
As a result, I've decided to let you, the Internet as a Whole, choose my new middle name for me. Now, nothin' too girlie, because I'm a little rougher around the edges that that. And anyone suggesting the names "Olga" or "Helga" will be immediately disqualified.
The winner of this contest will receive a photo of me in assless chaps, and a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni (the San Francisco treat). So let's have it, people! Name me, name me...
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 8:56 AM
57 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
FIRST!!11eleveneleven
I'm gonna have to go with "Echo" because....well, you know why (and so does your GYN).
Vestibula or Beavetta would be my choice.
I nominate Talloolah, after another over the top, sometimes risque' entertainer (Talloolah Bankhead, before your time I'm sure), Besides, you could use your Initials and still not loose the pun. You could be K.T. Barzedor. Okay, I'm on vacation this week and have way too much time on my hands.
Do I get point for avoiding vaginal references?
I think you should take the Catholic route and choose two. How about Katy Calpurnia (see "To Kill A Mockingbird") Veronica (a nice Catholic name as well as being the hot chick in the Archie comix)?
That totally works for me.
Tear a page out of Prince's book and obtain not a middle name, but a middle symbol. You can be the "Person Formally Known as Katy B., now known as Katy (insert symbol) B.". It's more of a visual gag.
I can recommend some symbols, but I get dibs on the 'flip-off finger'.
I like Did.
Katy Did.
Wojohowitz always had a nice ring to it.
Wow, I'm going to have to think about this one....
Katy Butt-Sexy Barzador has a nice ring to it
I'll be more than willing to loan you my pet name a gf of mine gave me:
Shaniqua Loquitia-Alizee Jenkins... MzJenkins, if you're nasty. :)
Katy Loquitia-Alizee Barzedor, it's got a ring to it:)
Or how about "Brun-Hilda?"
How about:
Katy GetOutOfTheWayBeforeYou Barzador
How about:
Katy It's-an-Exit-not-an-Entrance Barzedor
Katy YourAssIt Barzador
Here are some middle names that I think would be fitting for you, Bucky:
Brygida - means "strength"
Necia - means "fiery, passionate"
Adamma - means "beautiful girl"
And to be ironic...
Adara - means "chaste one"
Rachel - means "innocent lamb"
I personally am partial to Brygida, because you seem like a strong person, and Katy Brygida Barzedor sounds really strong and it flows nicely. My second choice is Katy Necia.
I'VE GOT IT!
Katy Flanella Jo Barzedor
And of course you could always use "Gretchen" or "Gertha" or "Grizzelda" and just go by your initials - KGB
Wow, what is it people? Is it the promise of Rice-A-Roni or a picture of Bucky in them assless chaps? There sure are a lot of suggestions out here.
I'm not coming up with any. She's coming over here this weekend and I don't want her to kick my ass. Actually, her form of revenge would be candid pictures...
OK, everyone needs a spelling lesson, and I appoint myself as the uninvited spelling-beotch.
who thinks you all rock, cause I can't think of a damn name.
Talloolah = Tallulah
Wojohowitz = Wojohowicz, but only if you're doing the "Barney Miller" reference.
Brun-Hilda = Brunnehilde ( you people KNEW I was going to jump on that one!)
Grizzelda = Griselda
Ok, lesson over. :)
beyotch.
whfropera is callin' us on our shee-yat. Dammit, I hate it when she's right. :)
http://womenshistory.about.com/library/bio/blbio_brunhilde.htm
http://www.pantheon.org/articles/b/brunhilde.html
http://www.stuffemal.com/bears/Grizzelda.html
http://www.radko.net/ra1011650.html
OK - other lesson over.
Katy ScrewSpelling Barzedor
The name meaning and origin of Griselda
Origin Date: 750 AD
Gender: (female)
Origin: German
Meaning: Gray
Brunnhilde is German too...whats up with that?
Holy shit! You guys are all over this like bleedin' gums on a $2 whore!
LadyBug - whatever do you mean, mean, mean, mean...?
Mr. B - I think my fave of your ideas so far is Vestibula. I think Beavetta makes me sound cheap and trampy, and everyone knows I'm not cheap.
Bear - Tallulah (or however it's spelled) is the name I use when I moonlight as a bargain-basement escort. And you do get three bonus points for the lack of vaginal reference. Plus the bonus prize of moldy lip gloss.
Dazed - The Catholic Church has strongly requested that I not use any saints' names. And "Gertha" hits a little too close to the middle these days!
Schmootz - Can my symbol be a little tampon? That's what I want for mine!
Amy - You're right. Katy Did. No, really - I did. Whatever it is that's wrong, I did.
Kitty - But Robin was so much more feminine than I am! Next thing you know, I'd be in tights and a mask, and somebody would come after me with a butterfly net.
Capt. Beefheart - Really? "Sexy-Butt"? Not Bat Chain Puller? Not Debra Ebnezer Kadabra?
Nugget - I think I could dig on the Loquitia or the Exit-Not-Entrance, but Brunhilde is right out! No offense, Opera gal, but I don't want the show to be over when I'm done singin'.
Katie - I think Adara would be the best pick there, since it means "chaste one" and my first name, Kathleen, means "Pure." That would make the heavens split wide with fury, wouldn't it?
Torrie - I'm honored that you would pick that name and conversate with me. God, I miss Pokey and Flanella Jo.
Squirl - the real draw here is the fact that the Rice-A-Roni will be served from a plate on my ass, while I'm wearin' my chaps. I mean, it is the San Francisco Treat.
Opera gal - why the hell do I use spell check? I'm callin' you from now on.
Torrie took mine. She's always taking my best STUFF.
Flanella Jo.
Where, oh, where has Flanella Jo gone?
POKEY
I like how LadyBug thinks . . . I'm gonna go with
Caverna (with props to your cavernous, ahem . . .), like Verna, but with a "cuh":
ca ver' na
Katy Caverna Barzedor, it rolls off the tongue.
Yeah...I think I like "caverna" too...but "Vestibula" is right up there. Can I use Opera Gal too for my spelling? Hmm?
" I don't want the show to be over when I'm done singin'."
Somehow, Bucky, I think the best show is always whereever you happen to be, singing or not.
:)
ok, theres a funny story about the whole spelling thing - BFE, can I use up a bit of your comments area to tell it?
Katy TheSanFranciscoTreat Barzedor
Katy Taters Barzedor (our cat's name is Katie and we call her Katie Taters. And Katie Patatie. And Taterhead.)
Katy Taterhead Barzedor
Katy BFE Barzedor
Katy Lou? Katy Jo? Katy Mae? (OK, those are all real middle names of my cousins who live in Mississippi.)
Katy Bootyflies Barzedor (with persmission from Susie, of course.)
After hearing your voice, I think "Deepthroat" would be a fitting name. It's also suitably naughty.
If that doesn't work for you, I've always been partial to state names. I think "Texas" would suit you... or maybe "Arkansas"...
Katy Ace Barzedor.
ACE:
Assless
Chaps
Expert
Okay, how about this one. My sister used to work with this chick whose name was Latrina. As in a latrine. I think it is pretty comical someone would name their kid after a toilet. Katy Latrina Barzedor. I like it.
You could also use it as "Hey hotstuff, want a ride home? Why don't you call a KAB?"
KAB:
Katy
Ace
Barzedor
I used to work with a girl named Kenyatta.
As in Canada.
How about
Katy Chlamydia-Louise Barzedor?
Katy Orgasmatronic Barzedor?
Holy shit is that funny--all over this like bleeding gums on a $2 whore... PRICELESS!!!
Re: Latrina
For giggles:
www.latrinabidet.com
My, my, I think I'm gonna end up with more comments on this than even my pregnant titties post!
Pokey, it's OK. You know you can always park THAT at the Cotillion.
Susie - Caverna? How can I lure innocent young men into my bed with a middle name like that? (Jim, if you're reading this, JUST KIDDIN' HONEY!)
Opera gal - please share with the class. ;)
Misfit - I think you may be onto something with the Booty Flies.
Ghost of G - oooooh, me likey "Deepthroat"! Er, the name, people, the name.
Nic - a name like that could give me delusions of grandeur. Heh heh heh
Katie - I'll be Latrina if Jim can be Loo-cifer.
Nugget - how'd you know the football team used to call me Orgasmatronic? Did we go to high school together?
Oh, Bucky, I'm so sorry, I already thought you were delusional enough and didn't think this could make it any worse.
Katy 'gettingsloshedatthe" Barzedor
Katy 'bendmeoverthe' Barzedor
Katy 'straddlethe' Barzedor
or how about Lola
dc
ok, this story will enshire me forever in the geekdom halls of fame.
There are 3 things I do REALLY REALLY WELL that have nothing to do with opera.
1 - I read really fast - speed reader fast. Been tested and everything.
2 - spell (story to follow)
3 - ok, this one I keep private.
So I'm in the 4th grade, and I have this really evil teacher who was a stickler for perfect penmanship. She used to make me practice by writing those swirls and loops you find in the old-fashioned grammar books. (and I'm not that old folks, but she was when I was in the 4th grade)
Well, I love to read, and carry books with me all the time, and was constantly sneaking in a few pages here and there, hiding the book in my lap. This used to make her crazy, because I would READ instead of practicing my penmanship.
Reminder: this woman was a teacher. Just in case we all forgot.
So she came up with what she thought was a brilliant idea - ban me from reading books for 2 months. And she snowed my parents into this one too, by indicating that it would "help my penmanship". So I wasn't allowed to go to the library once a week with the other kids, and during "reading hour" I wasn't supposed to read, so I did what any other kid jonesing for a book would have done.
I READ THE DICTIONARY. EVERY F-ING PAGE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Cause remember, I'm a speed reader. For 2 months I did this, and to this day, still do it for fun. Yes, I am offcially a dork.
Bring on the words, peeps, bring it on.
enshrine.
I said I could spell, but I didn't say I could TYPE.
Gasp! Orgasmatronic! After all these years!
Then how about:
Katy Spurts-2-Much Barzedor?
How about Katy Pandora Barzedor?
When she bends way over in those assless chaps- you see Pandora's box!
If you go with Vestibula, your initials will sound like a brand of underwear.
Jim can definitely be Loocifer. Latrina and Loocifer - has a nice ring to it.
A friend of mine worked in a hospital and there was a young couple who gave birth to a baby girl. Apparently they drove Harleys and were all into the biker scene. Don't you know, they named that poor child "Leather Princess". Considering your love of assless chaps, Leather Princess might be a good middle name.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
If you want to be both naughty AND get all dictionary-ish on people's asses, you could choose "Merkin".
Allow me to quote from the British newspaper The Guardian:
"The Oxford Companion To The Body traces the merkin back to 1450, a time when the bidet was a distant prospect and personal hygiene fell well short of the mark. Pubic lice were common - so some women, fed up with the constant itching, just shaved the lot off and then covered their modesty with a merkin.
Prostitutes, too, were frequent wearers. In the days before penicillin, it didn't take long to become infected with sexually transmitted diseases. They knew it was no work, no pay, and didn't want to scare the customers off with their syphilitic pustules and gonorrhoeal warts. So the merkin was used as a prosthesis to cover up a litany of horrors."
Im just going to be very simple.
Kat.
Katy Kat.
Then I can call you, Here Katy Kat Katy Kat...... What a nice little Katy Kat. Good little Katy Kat, You want your hiney scritched little Katy Kat? Awww you got your butt in the air, cute little Katy Kat.
Yeah I know, not that creative, but fun for me.hah
HAHAHAHAHAHA Ghost.
Katy, if you choose the name Merkin I will forever associate you, not just with the dog and peanut butter story, but with syphilitic pustules and gonorrhoeal warts. Lovely visual imagry there.
"...syphilitic pustules and gonorrhoeal warts. So the merkin was used as a prosthesis to cover up a litany of horrors."
~*SHUDDER*~
and as a side note, the thong-type garment that drag queens use to "hold the package in place"? Also called a merkin.
There are also chest hair merkins for men who are underendowed.
How about...
Katy "WHO'S THE BOSS?" Barzedor?
*thwack*
Katy M'lady Barzedor.
Katy all day-z I have been cray-z ruminaty-ing about your midd-azee naty-ame.
Let the madness end and pick one already.
I emailed you my address in case you don't know where to send the Rice a Roni, in case I win.
DC - I think Jim's rootin' for Katy "bendmeoverthe" Barzedor, but we all knew he would.
Opera gal - I stand in awe of your superior geekery. I got nothin' to top that. Your teacher shoulda been strung up by her shriveled old nipples.
Spurts-2-Much...really, though, can there be too much spurting?
Pandora...that does make the whole package sound better than it probably really is...
Leather Princess...I think I'm too old to be a princess. Maybe Leather Duchess?
Ghost, now I'm totally obsessed with this "merkin" thing. Merkin the Magician. Jerkin' the Merkin. Merkin Whoopie. Merkin the Best of a Bad Situation. And Opera gal, thank you for further expanding our merkin horizons. Nic, you may certainly associate me with merkins, even should I not choose that for my middle name.
Jess, Kat was kinda my default middle name as a kid. I did get called Katy Kat 'round the house a lot. But, um, I don't remember any of it ever gettin' my hiney scritched. I guess Mom never taught me to present properly.
Sadly, no, there is never "too much" spurting!!!
Sidenote to men: KY is *NOT* a substitute for foreplay.
My middle name is Josephine. It's long and annoying, but it was my grandma's name.
Also, my first is Desiree....why would my mother do that? Had she never heard of Napolean?
Bucky, remind me to use spell check AND Grammarian when I post here from now on. Opera Girl intimidates me (did I spell that right?)!
Post a Comment
<< Home