the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Ya want debauchery?


My #1 son.

Okay, I was gonna do a "ten things about my skanky ass" post, but I was just draggin' my feet and not writin', and now I see there are already comments, which means I probably need to write something else here, something I will finish.

ahem

You, the Internet as a Whole, seem to respond well when I give in to my more juvenile instincts and write about bodily functions and all manner of sexual innuendo. I've come to realize that you, the Internet as a Whole, are a bad influence on me. You encourage my worst urges. Because of you, Internet as a Whole, I can no longer show my face in polite society.

You make me feel cheap, like a two-dollar bargain-basement red-tag saggin' sphincter whore. You make me feel thoroughly used, like a Kleenex in a whooping cough ward. You make me feel dirty, like a weddin' dress in a flyin' diaper zone.

You don't call, you don't write, you don't send me flowers anymore. How many times must you say "The money's on the dresser, sweetheart" before I leave you with at least my dignity intact? Or nonexistent. You know, whatever.

You, Internet as a Whole, are a cad. I should walk away and meet a nice new crowd over donuts at church.

Just kiddin'.

I remain,

Your Faithful Whore

(you know...now I feel almost bad for startin' this post with a picture of Snickers)

27 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

You're gonna miss your Snickers boy this weekend.

6:20 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

That is so weird. I posted my #1 son and come over here to find this #1 son. Free-eee-eaky!

6:27 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Who's your #2 son?

6:38 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Hey! Take that back! You know I never have money to leave on the dresser!

9:06 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger She who shall not be named said...

Yeah, I think the Internet loves Debauchery.

9:32 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Squirl - I'll make sure to bring lots of Snickers pictures. *sob*

Mr. B - Your #1 son is a cutie pie! And don't tell him you don't have enough money for a $2 whore, he'll never respect you again.

Torrie - the #2 son spot is yet to be determined. Maybe it will be a cabana boy instead...

She Who - I figure I can't go wrong goin' smutty. Not with the folks who hang out here.

9:50 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Thank you, and he already knows about the $2. He's the reason I don't have it. Too many banana shakes after soccer games.

9:58 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Yeah, that's why you can't afford a banana shake from me!

10:00 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

You usually tease the Internet as a Hole. This time you were teasing ME. I got all excited that you were coming to church this Sunday, and even staying for the coffee hour. Donuts and fellowship, you know. But alas, you're back to your skanky ass whoring. I love you either way.

BTW, since you're about to turn 40, I hope you've had Jim in training, and on vitamins and whatnot. As I'm sure your big sis will attest, it's TRUE what they say about women in their forties. You're gonna love it :)

10:35 PM, May 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I gotta quit reading about skanky ass whoring, it only reminds me how single I am.

6:28 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Awwwww, Mr. B, you're so sweet, I'm sure all the whores would be happy to give you a freebie. Tell 'em I sent you.

Susie - ya know, if everyone at your church is anything like you, I think I could actually walk in there and not have lightning strike or crosses fly off the wall. And yes, I would keep my ass covered.
And the revved up at 40 thing? Well, not to gross anybody out here, but it's so so so so true. I just hope to god I don't kill poor Jim while I'm at it. He's probably hidin' right now...

8:08 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

hehe, I have a whore reference.

9:18 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

You scared me for a moment...

9:22 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

I never promised I'd respect you in the morning. Laugh, sure ... but not respect. Posted from an internet cafe in Ashby-del-a-Zouch, Derbyshire, England ... so now you know your depraved words are read on at least two continents ...

9:37 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Torrie - you know any wholesomeness on my part is only a momentary lapse, and probably brought on by temporary sobriety. I'll try to keep a handle on that. More slut talk, less sunshine and rainbows.

Nilbo! We all miss you so 'round here, old chap! Are you an assless chap? Now I'm double continental, so no one can ever again accuse me of bein' incontinental. Hurry home, Nilbo, hurry home...

9:45 AM, May 18, 2005  
Anonymous LadyBug said...

I'm sorry...what were you saying about the Internet and your Hole?

10:00 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

LadyBug - the truth, the hole truth, and nothin' but the hole.

Uh, that's not really how it goes, is it?

10:33 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

inspite my better judgement, in order to attract a larger readership, I am following your your example and going smutty. so included on my politics and pop culture blog this morning, a story about a broken penis, and the landmark court decision invoving it.

God, I've become an attention slut!

11:27 AM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Ern said...

Awww, you smutted up the cotillion just for me? I ask for debauchery and I get it! Hmmm...what else should I ask for with my newfound power?

By the way, I liked the flower and the Snickers picture. I was just temporarily confused. On the (rare) occasions when you are sweet and tender I like you that way too. ;) But of course, the debauchery is what keeps us comin' back!

12:34 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Bear - I like it when you're all slutty. Come a little closer, I won't break it, I promise.

Ern - I try to keep the sweet and tender to a bare minimum, just throw it in to confuse people occasionally.
But, you know, feel free to ask for pornographic content any ol' time.

1:37 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Snickrsnack Katie said...

I am so proud to be a part of the internet as a whole. Or is it hole. And your debauchery, Bucky, is what makes my world go round.

I was watching "Dodgeball" the other day and instead of team uniforms they accidentally received stripper gear. When the one guy held up his assless chaps, I thought of you, Bucky. I even shouted out "WHAT is he doing with Bucky's assless chaps?" and my boyfriend just looked really confused.

3:21 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Mrs.Strizzay said...

We, the Internet as a whole, could just stop leaving the money. Would that make you feel better?

4:11 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Spurious Plum said...

For a second I thought you had a dog named Debauchery.

Which would be totally hot.

4:14 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Baby I just want you to know, that I personally have always considered you to be a whore worth at least, at least at a bare minimum, about treefiddy.

Oh yeah, thas right beotch, tree-fiddy.

word.

4:30 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Katie - aaaaah, yet another reason to love Dodgeball...

Strizz - it would make me feel better if you didn't always insist I do the hot skillet dance. That stings!

Plum - damn, I guess he's used to Snickers now. Wish I'd thought that out better..."Here, Debauchery!" Would give the neighbors yet another reason to worry about us.

Jess - Really? Three-fiddy? Praise the lord, now I can afford those industrial kneepads!

5:19 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Nic said...

Aaaaaaand I still remember some post about the dog and peanut butter was it?

5:20 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Madame D said...

Yes! "Debauchery"! I have a new name to add to my roster of embarrasing pet names that will sound horrid when I have to shout them about 9:45 to make the damn dog come home.
You get money left on the dresser? Damn! It's my lucky day if someone doesn't TAKE money out of MY dresser. Damn fuckers...

5:38 PM, May 18, 2005  

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