the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Riddle me this

I have some questions. Maybe I want answers, maybe I don't, but that doesn't change the fact that I have questions, dammit.

  • Why the hell didn't I get a middle name? Did they cost extra at the hospital? I mean, not to be ungrateful for the idyllic childhood and all, but come on.
  • How come Snickers hasn't yet gotten used to the fact that Jim and I get it on? You'd think he'd understand by now that nobody's gettin' hurt, but if we forget and leave him in the house, he prances and whines by the edge of the bed; it's almost like somebody let my prom date in or somethin'.
  • Why is it that the people who stock the food in Mongolian Barbecue have it in for me? The last four times I've been there, they haven't had crawdaddies out. Now, you've gotta understand, I loves me some crawdaddies, maybe enough to marry 'em before I suck on their heads and bite their tails. So, I had an invitation to go today and declined. About fifteen minutes later, my Nextel beeped, and the voice of Arjay taunted me through the speaker as he repeated "Crawdaddies, crawdaddies, crawdaddies..." over and over and over again. Well, fuck me gently with a crustacean!
  • Why, why, why does that pooched belly look absolutely cute on pregnant Balulah, but looks horrid and scary on non-pregnant me? Wait, I just answered my own question.
  • Why don't we punish cock fighting with cock severing?
  • Why can't I think of anything more constructive than this to post tonight?
  • How many of you are here because you searched for "Kielbasa Queen"? I know there are lots of you lurkin', I see that search all the time in my sitemeter. The only thing wronger than you searchin' for it is my writin' about it.

12 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger SierraBella said...

Oh, I thought "Four" was your middle name, but realized your surname is hyphenated.
'Stoopid' me...

8:35 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Now, Bucky, you know you gave yourself a middle name when you were a teenager. 'Nuff said 'bout that one. You know animals don't understand. I wonder who he thinks is getting hurt and who's doing the hurting? prances and whines like your prom date. Remember we may see your prom date one of these days soon. Too sad about the crawdaddies. And we're not going there on the belly thing. I just lost a zipper, remember? Certainly not going to comment on the Kielbasa Queen.

9:05 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You got one. It was an odd one. The folks, they couldn't pronounce it without it coming out like a swear word. Cool as it was, they "forgot" to tell you what it was.

9:43 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

What did you take as your confirmation name? Did you stick around long enough to get one? Anyhow, on your 40th you get to choose a middle name; middle age, middle name, them's the rules. Choose wisely, and let us know.
With Biscuit, we have the EXACT opposite situation (can't really call it a problem). All manner of activity can go on, for extended periods of time, and the dog lays on the bed paying us no mind at all. Our other dogs would at least perk up if they thought somebody was eatin' somethin'! Not Biscuit, the asexual cockapoo.
And one more thing, may I borrow your assless chaps for my dinner with mrtl tomorrow night? I thought some blog-themed attire would be appropos, and no garment is more famous than the chaps. At first I was thinking I couldn't wear them, because I'd bust them out, but, hell, the part I'd bust out is um, well, out already. FedEx will get them to me in time, and I'll send them right back for your birfday celebrating.

9:45 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Me next Bucky! I wanna borrow them next!

*hopes they're pink*

9:52 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Sierrabella - Yeah, the hyphenated last name with no middle name really, uh, chaps my ass.

Squirl...would you be referring to "Hephzibah"? I'd have mentioned that in the post had I remembered!
I'm not quite sure what Snickers thinks, but he gets awfully worried and tries to break it up.
And you're in better shape than I am. Bitch. ;)

Mr. B - I thought I heard 'em slip and call me Katy Fuckin' Barzedor a time or two...thought it was my imagination.

Susie - This little hellion rather rudely bailed on the church shortly before confirmation age (I know Squirl remembers that highly uncomfortable scene I caused with Dad in the car packed with family). I did, however, make my first communion, and should probably post those pictures sometime for the sake of the surreal.
And mi assless chaps, su assless chaps. You know the chaps-closet door is always open to you.
Now, if I get to pick a middle name for my 40th birthday, I will have to choose wisely.
I think you've just given me fodder for my next post...

Mr. B again - Hate to tell you, but I don't have any pink assless chaps. It seems kinda redundant, don'tcha think?

9:56 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Tardist said...

Oh my GOD!! Kielbasa Queen is my SISTER!?!
Anyway, as long as I'm here, thought I'd add something to the story of leaving the church before your confirmation. First of all, I DID have to go through that - gettin' slapped by the bishop is better than being picked to "help him in the rectory after the shindig". Second, you know darned well it was I, just turned 18, that announced to Dad first that I no longer was going to church. Then, the very next week (after I had to take some serious shit for quitting the church) our brother, at 16 made the same announcement. I took shit for that, too. And then, THE WEEK AFTER THAT, you, at the tender age of 10, followed suit. I think Dad blamed me for the domino effect I started.
But that's okay. I like Domino's. Extra cheese, please!

10:28 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Tardist said...

Oops. My mistake. Before you correct me, Bucky, our brother's age was 15.

Sorry.

Hey, it's not like I flushed a Koran down the toilet or somethin'.

10:30 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

People learn so much better with redundancy.

People learn so much better with redundancy.

10:32 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

I don't have a middle name, but I do have two last names if you'd like to use one.

11:49 PM, May 18, 2005  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

You could do like Mr. T. and use a period for your middle name.

Bucky. Foureyes.

I like it, it's gold baby.

Pure gold!

2:35 AM, May 19, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Tardist...I'm not the Kielbasa Queen. But I do play one on television.

Mr. B - Oh, I know. Oh, I know.

Torrie - actually, I've got two last names, too. Technically, my maiden name is my middle name now, but I still feel cheated. Wronged. Thrown out like yesterday's douchbag.

Zombie - Oh my god, I can't believe you talked about my period in front of everyone!

7:20 AM, May 19, 2005  

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