The suspense is killin' ya, isn't it?

Geez, y'all, I didn't think I'd get such a response to my request for middle-name suggestions. Was it the lure of the chaps or the promise of Rice-a-Roni (the San Francisco Treat)? Or are you all genuinely altruistic?

I'm bettin' on the Rice-a-Roni.

'Twas a tough decision, as I had some great choices to mull over as I avoid packin' for my trip tomorrow. "Merkin" was under heavy consideration, 'cause anybody who doesn't think that's fun is no friend to me. I also rather enjoyed "Vestibula" but ultimately, it had too much "Beulah" in it, and I haven't lost enough weight to think that's funny yet.

A sentimental favorite was "Flanella Jo," because I miss conversating with her, but I was afraid someone from Seattle would make a lumberjack shirt out of me. "Orgasmatronic" is, well, accurate of course, but everyone would take that name as an excuse to skip foreplay. I was severely tempted to choose "Kat," not only because it's something I've actually used, but it's short and I could probably still spell it while drunk. But, frankly, I've seen some of the pictures over at Jess' site lately, and my poor virginal ass is a little frightened. Although, if I use it at all in the future, I'll send you a box of Rice-a-Roni as royalties each time it's used. I mean the name "Kat," not my poor virginal ass.

Many entries, all worthy in some sick and disgusting way. But my ultimate choice, for my middle name, to be used all through what I deem to be My Birthday Season (and only I get to say when that ends), is.........

Casio drum roll

Caverna, which was begat by the booty-ful Susie. I feel this name celebrates my Kentucky heritage, 'cause who doesn't love Mammoth Cave, and it also announces to the world, "Drive on in."

Congratulations, Susie! Please contact me for chaps and pasta arrangements. Once you receive the picture, we can begin to decide just how much therapy I'll need.