the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, December 22, 2005

This is serious, dammit

When I posted about my acquisition of several cans of Play-Doh, Jess weighed in with this request:

When you make a playdoh snowman, make sure you give him big nuts, they really appreciate it, no one takes snowmen seriously these days.

Well, I couldn't have said it better myself. When is the last time you saw a snowman and thought to yourself, "Damn, I wish I'd become a snowman instead of an electrical engineer" or "I wish my husband would hurry up and leave for work so I can boink the snowman"? Never? My point exactly.

So, in the interest of equal recognition for all men, be they made of flesh or frozen water, I give you...


Schlongy the Snowman!
This snowman is to be taken seriously
There must have been some magic in that big ol' schlong of his...


If there were any of you praying for Dick after my last post, I'd have to say your prayers are now answered. You can tell Schlongy prayed harder than anyone!

Now, in case you're not one to be impressed by a major display of schlong, I want you to know that my extreme Play-Doh modeling skills permit me to do a little sumpin' to please everybody. So, if you're not a fan of dick, I've made a special holiday presentation for you:

The Festive Labia Ornament Holder
Play-Doh labia
...because there are few things in life more festive than labia. Or, in this case, clay-bia.

This is only the first time I've had the Play-Doh out of the cans. Lord help us all.

41 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Tardist said...

A hat on his head and a schlong in his heart.
Clay-bia. Good one.

12:45 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

I respect your snowman, and I feel a strange desire to go outside and roll around...


The other thing just confuses me..

12:51 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Closet Metro said...

dammit, wrong time of the month. have to come back in a few days.

12:53 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Tarrrrrrdist - I feel we could make a song and dance routine out of this.

Jess - I'm glad you feel the snowman can be taken seriously at last.
Would the other thing confuse you less if I put some jewelry through it?

Closet - naaah, that's just a decoy. If this had been an actual emergency, I would have screamed at you and demanded chocolate.

12:59 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Amanda B. said...

You are a sick, sick monkey.

Happy Holidays Bucky.

1:06 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

The first time? My gosh. With practise this can only get worse!

What is going to happen when the sun comes out? Next installment?

1:30 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

My 2-year-old daughter is getting Play-Doh for Christmas. Now I just feel dirty.

1:47 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

What can I say, Bucky? If I were to make a list of a list of the naughtiest blogs—which I just did—you gotta be near the top. That must be what happens when one departs the quiet gentility of the Bluegrass State for the frozen lunacy of Yankeeland!

3:03 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

Oy.

3:38 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Ahem. Let me repeat your very last sentence: Lord help us all (but especially you-know-who, Lord!). And then, I must sing the song that sprang to my lips when first I laid eyes on Schlongy:

I'll have a blue (hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo) Christmas . . .

6:56 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Ok. NOW you're going to hell... ;)

8:37 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Mike said...

Today, I find myself suffering from a new disease. Play-Doh Penis Envy.

This is a rhetorical question, but...is there no end to this madness?

No need to answer, I already know.

9:11 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

NOW we know why he goes "thumpety-thump-thump" over the hills of snow. Poor bastard is draggin' ...

And as for the seoncd picture, how many times have we men said "Hey, honey .. wanna play? D'oh!"

9:19 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Spikey1 said...

Still waiting for the PlayDoh Porn!

9:23 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Jim said...

So when Snowman Schlongblade has an orgasm, does he ejaculate shaved ice or just soft-serve?

That whole labia thing kinda helps me on my diet - I don't want to eat after looking at it. I've printed it out and hung it on the fridge. Thanks, Bucky!

9:35 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Oh, Nilbo's comment reminds me of a cute memory of my kid. What, this isn't the place for that sort of thing? So.

When she was tiny, learning Christmas songs, she was making this bizarre, rhythmic humming sound, which we couldn't figure out, until we determined that it was to the tune of the "thumpety thump thump" part of Frosty. Except she sang, "Humminy num num, humminy num num..." Try it! It's much more fun :)

SCHLONGBLADE?!! pwahhaa
I aim to kill you withit. Mmmhmm.

9:37 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*snort*
Ah, good one, Bucky...

9:46 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Oh.

Oh MY.

Bucky, step AWAY from the Play-Doh.

10:07 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Yanno, I thought of you the other day while I was at the store. I saw a 3-pack of Play-Doh and I thought, briefly, of purchasing it, for some "creative time at work."

Shlongy and the Claybia are 100% the "type" of thing I would have done, well of course, AFTER I would have fashioned a hand with its middle digit extended!

Nothing says festive more than Play Doh depictions of genitalia.

Good times!

YOU ROCK!!

But then again, I think you already knew that.

10:13 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

I can't even imagine stuff like that. Does this mean I'm off the "bad influence" list again? *sigh*

10:40 AM, December 23, 2005  
Anonymous kalki said...

Awesome. I so should have asked Santa for some Play-Doh.

10:51 AM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Talk about snowballs. He must be smiling because they're not blue.

God help us all should you get your hands on the Fun Factory.

10:53 AM, December 23, 2005  
Anonymous torrie said...

YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF.

12:50 PM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Lori said...

Good one! You should see Shaun's SnowMan art on HoleyShirt.

2:10 PM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

weirdo.


;)

2:47 PM, December 23, 2005  
Anonymous spamboylouie said...

I, heehee,,,can't,,,gasp,,,snort hahahahah,,,babbwhaaaaa.....
"fi hunnertt dollah"

ps, i'm sending your addy to my three sisters, and two of my neices, and some of them may still go to mass. i wish my mom had a computer......

3:55 PM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Very festive!

5:47 PM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I can't believe I read this and forgot to comment.

But then again, what is there left to say?

7:57 PM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

I was just thinking what that snowman would like for Christmas . . . a snowblower . . . tee hee.

10:12 PM, December 23, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

NINA!!

NOW who's the bad influence, Bucky? Huh? Huh? ;)

12:23 AM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:25 AM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

A surprisingly high percentage of the nude statues here in Rome have their thingies knocked off. Makes me wince every time.

7:27 AM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger RitaPita said...

I was keeping my composure quite well untill I read Nanina's comment.

Then all hell broke lose.

The next time Jay asks what I am doing on the computer, I'm going to sit him down here Bucky and just walk away. Sometimes a man just needs to experience the joy of a Labia (Claybia) Ornament Holder.

8:42 AM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

Eclectic, well you know somebody had to say it, nobody else had and well that left me. :)
It will stick with me forever there is no doubt ~ Michael was 9 years-old when he came home with, What is a snowman's favorite Christmas present? I dunno Michael, what? A snowblower came the answer. To which after laughing my ass off, I said I didn't get it. To which he said so he can blow his mind. To which after laughing my ass off, I replied oh of course so he can blow his mind. Out of the mouths of babes. Now ten years later, I'm sure he would look at the joke differently, but as his mom, you know I just don't want to know.

11:05 AM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger Greenthumb said...

HA!!! Good one Bucky.

Just really quick...

I heart you and your depraivity and wish you and your's Happy AlcoHoidays!!! *ching*

11:19 AM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Yanno, I can't help but notice the lack of a foreskin... I'd do it in a festive green... "Shlongy and his technicolor foreskin..."

12:23 PM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

Thank Andrea at Chai There for this.

Merry Christmas!

1:59 PM, December 24, 2005  
Anonymous minxlj said...

You're a gift to us all Bucky, and not just for Christmas. The snowman with a schlong image will keep me chuckling all through the festivities! Have a great Christmas Buckster!!!

4:20 PM, December 24, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

OK, I'm totally lame and didn't get to respond to this thread as much as I should have. You guys are freaks, and I like it.

There will be more Play-Doh, I promise!

6:14 PM, December 25, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Now I'm a little bit scared.

1:02 PM, December 26, 2005  
Blogger Memphis Steve said...

You are SO funny! And all the snowmen love you!

6:09 PM, December 30, 2005  

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