the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Saturday, December 10, 2005

When I grow up

Today I was just musing, like people do when they're avoiding tasks they should be doing. I've been a computer geek for a long time now, professionally speaking, and I was daydreaming about other paths I might have taken...
  • Rock star. Of course, this was my preferred career path, but it was tragically derailed by my serious lack of talent. I know what you're thinking, and I know that hasn't stopped many a successful rock star, but I guess I just have too much self-awareness for the job. When I suck, I know I suck, and no amount of personal bravado will diminish the suckocity of my performance.
  • Porn star. Naturally, I've been inundated with offers to join the ranks of the money-shot-splattered elite, but there's one thing, one overarching concern that keeps me from accepting: gravity. It ain't been kind.
  • Carpenter. I think this would be a fantastic and rewarding career for me. Just so long as I don't put too much value on havin' a complete set of fingers, and don't mind bein' able to see sunlight through the palm of my hand. Perfect!
  • Elephant poop cleaner. No, wait - I haven't given up on that dream yet.
  • Rocket scientist. Damn, wish I'd thought about that before I discovered alcohol.
  • Cartoonist. Aside from the obscene scribblings I've posted here, I've also developed a few comic-book characters. One I developed in junior high school, and kept alive and fairly current until I was in my mid-20s, was The Rodent Runner. The title character was a rat who was chosen by the rat god to set the rat population straight so it didn't end up like humankind. Saddled with a bitchy, flamboyant guardian angel named Rodney, the Rodent Runner never gets much soul savin' done, but his misadventures are consistently gross and bizarre. There's even a gratuitous appearance by Ratsputin in one installment. More recently, I developed a character called Cutie-Pie the Bat. The premise is that this really sweet-tempered little bat just wants to make friends, but gets the smackdown from everyone he meets (I have one sketched out where Mother Theresa attacks him with a broom). Oh, the hilarity. But I could see how that would run out of steam really fast.
  • $2 whore. This has long been a goal of mine. Of course, you have to take into consideration that when I started this dream, two bucks meant a lot more than it does now. My advice to youngsters would be this: if you aspire to be a whore, don't put a price tag on it just yet. Allow for inflation.
I await your rude additions to the list.

29 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

I remember the Rodent Runner. Always a favorite of mine. Cutie Pie the bat was in my apartment last winter. :-)

6:04 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

Hell, I'm thinkin you gotta be worth a... aw hell, better leave that one alone. I think you should develope rodent runner into a regular strip on the Cotillion>

6:14 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Monkey wrangler?

6:44 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Squirl - did you go after Cutie Pie with a broom like Mother Theresa did?

Bear - Heh, maybe I will at least put some of the old RR strips up here sometime.

Susie - hey, I think I'd be pretty good at that one!

7:06 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Minerva said...

This made me much...

How about a careers adviser? As a teacher, I think you could open up some of my kids' minds to alternative careers...


7:33 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Ichabod was actually looking for a camera when Cutie Pie made his exit out the casing around the skylight.

8:02 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

I want to be a locksmith.

Tell anyone and I will send you pictures of me topless! YOU DO NOTTTTTTT wanna see that!

9:12 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

You made me think of a Monty Python skit where a Public Accountant goes to a Vocational Guidance Counselor's office for a change of vocation.
His choice?
A lion tamer, he says, and describes an ant eater...
"I don't know what the fuss is about. They're pretty tame already!"

9:15 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Minerva - heh, most people don't like me talkin' to their kids...

Squirl - well, nice that Cutie Pie was resourceful enough to exit on his own.

Kristine - don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Though I'd be willing to wager your jumblies are in a lot better shape than mine are.

M_D - ooooh I forgot that one! Lion tamer is another good addition to the list.

9:30 PM, December 10, 2005  
Blogger Jim said...

Bucky - which carpenter? Hopefully Richard since no one can replace Karen.

I think you'd make an EXCELLENT nun....

12:12 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Maybe you should become a... Nope. I have nothing that can top the suggestion of becoming a nun.

7:21 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

It's not a list without a pretty pink ballerina on it Bucky.

7:35 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

You've been frightening me for a long time, now, Katy Caverna. Now, it's payback time!

9:02 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger hellokittn said...

Now that's just mean Susie. Behave yourself ;) lol.

I really like the idea of having a comic strip on the cotillion. We all love your drawings and humor, it just might be a nifty sidebar idea.

10:29 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

My dear Bucky, I must say that in my manifold careers and even in my fantasies I have never been or imagined myself in any of the professions you have hallucinated about following. My ex-wife, however, did imagine herself in one of them; she may have even engaged in it. I’ll let you guess which one.

BTW, I found a website that informs me that $11.86 in the year 2005 has the same "purchasing power" as $2.00 in the year 1964 (the year I graduated from high school and the only time I ever paid $2.00 for a…). Therefore, today one would be an $11.86 whore.

10:49 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

New masthead. Cool! I was thinking last night that you'd had the other up for a while.

11:14 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Susie, I just clicked on that link. That mesmerizing in a scary kind of way.

11:16 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Jim - you know what Karen Carpenter's last words were? "I coulda puked a V8!"
And how did you know my secret passion was to join the nunnery?

Kylz - hey, I was a good little Catholic girl, briefly. I even have the first communion pictures around here someplace...if I can find, I will most definitely post because, in a little white wedding gown and veil? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! yeah, I could get away with white at age 7.

MilkMaid - ooooh, do you think there's still hope for me to trip the light fantastic? I bet I could squeeze in on a Nutcracker somewhere...

Susie - MY EYES!!!!
("good one," she said as she squirted peroxide into her smoking eye sockets)

KChia - maybe I'll have to come up with a new comic designed just for you sick, sick fuckers. This could be fun, and by "fun" I mean really, really gross.

SS Nick - wow, I shoulda brought you in as my economist long before this. Just remember to bring the calculator when you come over for tequila.

Squirl - thanks! I was in a masthead kinda mood yesterday. I redid Tardist's blog template, too.
And Susie done sent 1 skirry lenk!

11:46 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

ssnick's ex-wife is a Rock Star?

1:54 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

One question: Does Rodent Runner have a huge schlong too? What about Rodney?

And CutiePie the Bat could so TOTALLY have given the smackdown to Mother Teresa if he'd only had a huge schlong, too. Email me for story ideas iffin you're lacking hehehe

2:33 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Susie - I'm sure that's what he meant.

Michele in Mich - aha, you're onto me. As a matter of fact, ALL my male characters have huge schlongs.

7:45 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Very briefly, and then you turned 8 years old?

8:13 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Whatevva man, I don't wanna grow up.

8:18 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Um, Bucky... just one question, what is this "grow up" that you are talking about...?

9:37 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

cK - I'm with you... what is theis "growing up" of which you speak, oh wise BFE?

9:58 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger hemlock said...

I've always wanted to drive a snow plow. That's my guilty dream.

Just thinking about seeing that snow fly off to the right, and the clean road behind me is dreamy....

As for you Bucky...I think a prep school teacher / head mistress would be most appropriate.

8:25 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Allow for inflation...and gravity. Got it.

::taking notes::

9:59 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger Spikey1 said...

What about a Toys R Us kid?

10:54 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

"My advice to youngsters would be this: if you aspire to be a whore, don't put a price tag on it just yet. Allow for inflation."

I was fine until I got to that part up there, and then well I lost it. :)


6:01 PM, December 12, 2005  

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