Felt the lightning, waited on the thunder...

NOTE: If you wish to be made to laugh, please skip this post and read just about anything else on this site. If this is your first visit here, and you see this warning and read the post anyway, let me assure you: it's not usually like this here. I promise.

Do you cringe when you go to somebody's blog and you see, "This is the hardest thing I've ever written here..."? Well, fair warning: this is the hardest thing I've ever written here.

I'll cut right to the chase: Jim and I are splitting up.

This was my idea. And before anyone asks, Jim has never, ever, ever been abusive to me in any way. He's a good guy, and a gentleman too. So I'll not tolerate a word against him.

To anyone who's been reading what I've written here for the last year and change, you wouldn't have seen it coming from what I posted. I chose to ack-SEN-choo-ate the positive, to only write about the lighthearted moments, the fun, the laughs. And I didn't make any of that up - there has been plenty of cramp-inducing laughter, and lots of sweet romantic moments.

Where this relationship went wrong will remain between Jim and me; I'm just not ready to get that candid in public about something that isn't only my business. I have hesitated to post about it at all, but it's been a long time since I've written about Jim, and sooner or later, you'd start to wonder. We have every intention of keeping this amicable and as simple as possible. After all we've been through together, I don't want this to be any more painful than it already is.

It's been a long time, and I guess I'm a different girl now than the one behind the counter in 7-Eleven who used to draw crayon pictures on paper lunch bags so she could give her third-shift boyfriend some crappy coffee in a cool paper bag on his way in to work at night. So much has happened since then: all the concerts, and college for both of us, and all those jobs. We have each lost our father and a sibling since we've been together. We've seen comedy, tragedy, and history unfolding, sometimes all at once. A lot can happen in nineteen years.

Some of you may not like me anymore after you've read this, and if so, I'm sorry I offended you. This was not a choice made lightly, in haste, or on a whim. But I have to be honest with myself about what I want out of life.

Did I mention this is a really hard post to write?

It's likely I will take the weekend off from blogging after I post this; I hope no one will be put off by the fact that I plan to return here shortly and resume the usual shameless vulgarity you've come to expect from me, or by my coming to your blogs and leaving my customary obscene greetings. It's my way to blow off steam, and now that I've been all weepy and TMI with you, I hope you'll still accept my shenanigans in the same spirit as always. It doesn't mean I'm disrespecting my current situation; it just means that being able to laugh and spread chaos online really gets me through the day.

I'm not opening comments on this post. For Jim's sake, I'd like to request that there be no public online speculation about this. If you work with us, please do not let this be the way that the news spreads through the company; if you are finding out by reading this, please come talk to me first. Please do not tell anybody else at work about this blog that doesn't already know. Seriously. Jim doesn't need to go through any worse shit than he already is.

And you can certainly tell me what's on your mind - good, bad, and/or ugly - via email: bucky4eyes AT gmail DOT com.