the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, February 20, 2006

Audition for Jerry Springer?

Strangest thing I've heard anyone say lately: "Look what you did to your mama's cheek!" said a grown woman to her brother, a grown man.

Strangest incident I've witnessed lately, which was a prelude to the strangest saying: A rather large southern family was gathered together - I tell you this so that you may better imagine the accents - and the grown son, a hulking white boy who dressed like he could will himself to be a gansta if his do-rag was pulled down far enough, "jokingly" (I guess) began to bully his mother by backing her into a wall and restraining her from whatever her intended purpose was (I really hope she wasn't headed for the restroom). She was laughing up to a point - perhaps this is normal play in their family - and then I heard a genuine and surprised "Ouch!" come from her.

Her grown son had "playfully" bitten her on the cheek. Had I stumbled upon the rest of the Lecter clan?

I'd like to tell you what happened after that, but I got my ass out of there with all due haste before my cheeks started to look like a delicacy, too.

Sorry, folks. This is what you get when I dig for change in my mental pockets and only come up with lint.

21 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Tardist said...

Wow. I believe Mike Tyson had a similar episode when in his youthful days. He eventually graduated from cheeks to ears.

12:48 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

Sounds like my family's Christmas parties.

5:54 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

These sexual fantasies are going to get you into trouble Bucky. Until then, turn the other cheek!

6:17 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Mike said...

Were you in Columbus yesterday? That kind of thing happens here all the time. I just assumed it was some kind of hillbilly foreplay.

7:57 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Lint? Bucky, if that story represents lint in your pocket, then I have enough to weave a sweater from all of the years I spent as a social worker.

9:06 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Wow. People can be just plain weird.

9:30 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Us southern folks are fun aren't we.
Jeez.

9:32 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Yay for Mr B being the first with the "turn the other cheek" joke!

9:33 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Dima said...

Which cheek did he bite exactly? :-p

10:10 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

I hear beef cheeks are a delicacy. Not that I'd know. I think it's important to bite your parents every once in while. It shows that you care.

10:19 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Most white trash statement I've heard lately (but have been unwilling to post, for fear that person might stumble across my blog someday): "I've always said, 'If I ever win the lottery, I'm gettin' me a trailer house!'"

I am SO not kidding.

11:32 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Tarrrrrrdist - I think after a while you just crave the cartilage.

MilkMaid - well, they were from Texas...maybe distant relatives? :)

Mr. B - Oh, it's allll cheek, allll the time here.

Mike - maybe it WAS foreplay. Man, I'm glad I left when I did.

SS Nick - a sweater might come in handy right now!

CKelli - at least I know that, no matter what I may do, I will never be quite as bitey as these folks were.

Pissy - I almost hesitated to mention they were southern, 'cause I don't wanna spread stereotypes, but I just had to so everyone could imagine the accents.
I'm guessing you do not come from a southern cheek-biting family, though.

Squirl - SOMEbody had to go there.

Dima - I wouldn't be surprised if he got 'round to all of 'em eventually.

Jim - I don't know about beef cheeks, but I know beef lips are a staple of beef jerky.
All those poor lipless cows...

LadyBug - well, you know, it's good not to dream TOO big...

11:47 AM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

Um--that's just wrong....

12:40 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Hey! I'm a SOMEbody! FUCK yeah!

1:13 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

Momma was too brash, so he was just helping her. Y'know... once bitten, twice shy.


Hey, I've had a tough week. This was all I could come up with.

5:05 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

Oooh, there's something inherantly wrong about that :D

5:10 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

I see nothing wrong with backing people into corners and biting them.

It's the most normal thing in the world.

;)

5:51 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Effie - that's kinda what I was a-thinkin'...

Mr. B - oh, you're SOMEbody, alright. A potty-mouthed SOMEbody...

Eclectic - that's OK - it's always alright to quote Ian Hunter around here. (and don't ANYBODY say "Great White" or I'll cut you, man)

Fuckkit - I'm thinking there was something genetically wrong there...

Zombie! But it's cute when you do it.

7:11 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger Amy said...

I'll take change from your pockets any day, Bucky. As long as I get to fish it out.

9:20 PM, February 21, 2006  
Anonymous jd's rose said...

I just figued out that you were talking about the cheeks on one's face.

*shakes head*

10:36 PM, February 21, 2006  
Blogger hellokittn said...

Are you sure that wasn't the McGraw's?

Remember, Quick Draw McGraw, take a bite out of drugs?

10:59 PM, February 21, 2006  

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