VD quickies

• I bought myself a ring for Valentine's Day, and I have already managed to misplace it. I have a feeling I won't be getting any from myself tonight.
• Some people wear toe rings. I prefer a camel-toe ring.
• Do you think I could wax my toes with those cold strips? Gotta leave the monkey and the anus alone, but I don't think it said anything about toes.
• Say what you want, but in my book, monkey will always equal vagina.
• Anybody here ever seen The Vagina Monologues? I've always wondered how they script that, and if they have to use little clit mikes to get the sound out in the theatre. And aside from the occasional well-timed queef, what exactly does a vagina have to say? "It's fuckin' dark in here." or "I don't feel so fresh." or "Oil can!" or "INCOMING!" ?
• Do any of you women ever have a conversation with your mother (or your daughter) where you would, in all seriousness, say "I've got that not-so-fresh feeling."? As if your mom/daughter really wants to hear about your rancid pussy problem! This is a topic better saved for one's priest or gynecologist.
• I've always been tempted to slip into a confession booth and say "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been ten minutes since my last confession, and I have the uncontrollable urge to let loose all my bodily fluids right here in the booth." Of course, beforehand I would lay odds with my friends on how long before the poor priest bolted from the confessional and hid behind some altar boys.
• Quote of the day: "Why would you order and eat food that you know will give you violent diarrhea? There is no food in the world that tastes good enough to justify that." Jessica Rabbit.
• Happy Valentine's Fucking Day, everyone. Here's to more getting laid and less explosive diarrhea. Unless that kind of thing is your bag.