A heapin' helpin' of our hospitality
Before I begin the assault upon your senses, mostly your poor eyes, I'd like to say that I totally blame Zombie Flyboy for this post. In particular, I blame this disturbing piece for what you are about to see. Go on, blame Zombie. Remember, channel your anger, confusion, and disgust in Zombie's direction after you see what he made me do here.
That said, Zombie got me to thinkin' about one of my favorite TV shows of all time, The Beverly Hillbillies. What really happened on the set? It was the 1960s - were the cast members into wild and swinging parties?
Determined to find out, I dug through the archives of The Sordid Sit-Com Times, and the photographic evidence I was able to amass was enough to make a frat boy sober. It appears that you just couldn't keep the clothes on those fuckers once the director yelled "Cut!"
Well, not all of them. Of course, Jethro was just too dense to get in on the action. However, he actually had a longer after-career than did his co-stars. You will no doubt remember him from his long run fronting the band Jethro Tull:
Now, if we're gonna do any more "Where Are They Now?" features, I feel compelled to let you know what happend to Ellie Mae Clampett. I'm really sorry, but it must be shown.
It must've been all Granny's fried food.
I know Cousin Pearl was considered the smokin' temptress on the show. It is with great sorrow and regret that I dash all your fantasies on the jagged rocks of bitchdom and reveal one of classic television's greatest secrets:
Cousin Pearl was a man, baby!
It was also sad for me to discover how Granny had been making spare change since the show's finale:
This was obviously past Granny's prime.
Things weren't always this lean for Granny. In fact, she was known as the Lucky Swinger on the set; find an orgy, and Granny was usually right at the epicenter.
That Mr. Drysdale - always watching out for our, er, your money. Money shot, that is.
I got your rheumatiz medicine right here!
My finger smells like Granny's rheumatiz medicine...
If you are unwilling to place all the blame for the filth you have just read at Zombie's shuffling feet, then you are also welcome to blame the Homies, who whisper in my ear until I just give up and do what they want.
Y'all come back, now - hear?
That said, Zombie got me to thinkin' about one of my favorite TV shows of all time, The Beverly Hillbillies. What really happened on the set? It was the 1960s - were the cast members into wild and swinging parties?
Determined to find out, I dug through the archives of The Sordid Sit-Com Times, and the photographic evidence I was able to amass was enough to make a frat boy sober. It appears that you just couldn't keep the clothes on those fuckers once the director yelled "Cut!"
Well, not all of them. Of course, Jethro was just too dense to get in on the action. However, he actually had a longer after-career than did his co-stars. You will no doubt remember him from his long run fronting the band Jethro Tull:
Now, if we're gonna do any more "Where Are They Now?" features, I feel compelled to let you know what happend to Ellie Mae Clampett. I'm really sorry, but it must be shown.
It must've been all Granny's fried food.
I know Cousin Pearl was considered the smokin' temptress on the show. It is with great sorrow and regret that I dash all your fantasies on the jagged rocks of bitchdom and reveal one of classic television's greatest secrets:
Cousin Pearl was a man, baby!
It was also sad for me to discover how Granny had been making spare change since the show's finale:
This was obviously past Granny's prime.
Things weren't always this lean for Granny. In fact, she was known as the Lucky Swinger on the set; find an orgy, and Granny was usually right at the epicenter.
That Mr. Drysdale - always watching out for our, er, your money. Money shot, that is.
I got your rheumatiz medicine right here!
My finger smells like Granny's rheumatiz medicine...
If you are unwilling to place all the blame for the filth you have just read at Zombie's shuffling feet, then you are also welcome to blame the Homies, who whisper in my ear until I just give up and do what they want.
Y'all come back, now - hear?
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 10:59 PM
14 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
OH MY GOD I CAN NEVER WATCH THAT SHOW AGAIN....thank you for that.
If you TOUCH Wonder Woman I swear to GOD I will never ever compliment your monkey again.
Whoo-Hooo! First!
When I look at Ellie Mae all I think of is the Simpsons episode with the really fat girl doing the ab roller, "This is my Re-ward!"
Your so sick.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
It all comes together at last.
So THAT's how Cousin Pearl got his name... giving out pearl necklaces! I always wondered about that.
Pearl necklaces . . . well, you can't say we've never learned anything here. Good one, eclectic.
I just appreciate that Mr. Drysdale kept his hat on. A little decorum, is all, you know?
Oh..and sorry about Darren McGavin dying (and Don Knotts). I know you were a fan because he was so Fra-GEE-Lay
Wow! Bucky, you continually amaze me with your talents. Now, how about an animated porn version of the Hillbillies?
Bucky, the pictures were disturbing enough. The story that goes with them is just too much, too much.
You know, at various times in my life, various weights, various levels of fitness or not, I have taken comfort and gained confidence from something that a famous marriage counselor said, (paraphrasing) "For most straight men, if you are the only naked woman in the room, you look GOOD." Now, though, seeing Ellie Mae . . . maybe there are limits to that bit of wisdom?
That Cousin Pearl must have been a great actor. He NEVER looked that good on the show.
Ok, yeah... you win, Bucky. You're insane.
I'll check back in tomorrow, though...
Oh dear god, Bucky. It's worse the second day. I can't make the themesong go away. "Then up from the ground come a bubblin' crude.... oil, that is... black gold, Texas tea." Save me!!!
Bucky, let's get hitched. We make a great team.
:)
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