Stowaway Homies and other claptrap

There just might need to be an intervention.

When I went to dress for bed last night, which is to say, when I exchanged my daytime flannel for my nighttime flannel, a Homie fell out of my bra.

What the fuck was a Homie doing in my bra? Was he spying on my boobs? Or, much harder to take, did I get a little too drunk and let the Homies have their way with me, like Lilliputians gangbanging Gulliver in a frothy, foamy midget frenzy? I'm just afraid what my gynecologist will find at my next appointment.

And speaking of foamy little people, I'm sure I've mentioned the charmingly titled porn video Pee Midget Pee here before. I have brought visual proof tonight that this isn't just some repressed desire to be hosed down by the seven dwarves raising its ugly head, no indeed (because I've dealt with that issue separately and my therapist says it's nearly almost kinda resolved).

And voila!


Because the pineapples make it all better. And all my porn should have Howard Stern's recommendation, or at least his name on the cover.

I was gonna post the cover to Crack Whores of America too, but after what I did to you last night with the Hillbillies, I thought I'd cut you some, uh, slack.

Also, I'm really glad I didn't go with the Andy Griffith Show expose I'd thought about. The timing is bad. Even I think it would be in bad taste. For now. Because Don Knotts was a rockin' stud. But someday, the truth about Aunt "Fill me up with honey" Bea must be told. With pictures. Because I care enough to post only the most revolting images and ideas I can assemble. Attention to detail, that's what it's all about here.

Speaking of revolting, I feel the need to share the following link with you all. Eveyone who's seen it thus far agrees that it is, indeed, highly disgusting. Perfect!
Ladies, gentlemen, and the people who are actually here, I present to you:

The diarrhea button

Who, who, who is the genius who saw the need for this and created it? This is perfect for so many occasions!

• Your kid wants to borrow the car? The diarrhea button lets him know in no uncertain terms that he'll be takin' the bus.
• Boss says he's gonna need you to work on those TPS reports? The diarrhea button tells him you're in no mood for overtime today.
• Husband grousing for you to stop shopping online? The diarrhea button can be your little way of saying, "You just bought me a new pair of shoes, fucker!"

You know, it's not like I don't have anything better to do. I'd better quit pushing the diarrhea button and get back to some of those better things. Better than the diarrhea button, you say? Well, if I could stop typing "diarrhea button" long enough to post, yes - I do have better things to do. But none so instantly gratifying.

ps: diarrhea button