the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Stowaway Homies and other claptrap

There just might need to be an intervention.

When I went to dress for bed last night, which is to say, when I exchanged my daytime flannel for my nighttime flannel, a Homie fell out of my bra.

What the fuck was a Homie doing in my bra? Was he spying on my boobs? Or, much harder to take, did I get a little too drunk and let the Homies have their way with me, like Lilliputians gangbanging Gulliver in a frothy, foamy midget frenzy? I'm just afraid what my gynecologist will find at my next appointment.

And speaking of foamy little people, I'm sure I've mentioned the charmingly titled porn video Pee Midget Pee here before. I have brought visual proof tonight that this isn't just some repressed desire to be hosed down by the seven dwarves raising its ugly head, no indeed (because I've dealt with that issue separately and my therapist says it's nearly almost kinda resolved).

And voila!

Because the pineapples make it all better. And all my porn should have Howard Stern's recommendation, or at least his name on the cover.

I was gonna post the cover to Crack Whores of America too, but after what I did to you last night with the Hillbillies, I thought I'd cut you some, uh, slack.

Also, I'm really glad I didn't go with the Andy Griffith Show expose I'd thought about. The timing is bad. Even I think it would be in bad taste. For now. Because Don Knotts was a rockin' stud. But someday, the truth about Aunt "Fill me up with honey" Bea must be told. With pictures. Because I care enough to post only the most revolting images and ideas I can assemble. Attention to detail, that's what it's all about here.

Speaking of revolting, I feel the need to share the following link with you all. Eveyone who's seen it thus far agrees that it is, indeed, highly disgusting. Perfect!
Ladies, gentlemen, and the people who are actually here, I present to you:

The diarrhea button

Who, who, who is the genius who saw the need for this and created it? This is perfect for so many occasions!

  • Your kid wants to borrow the car? The diarrhea button lets him know in no uncertain terms that he'll be takin' the bus.
  • Boss says he's gonna need you to work on those TPS reports? The diarrhea button tells him you're in no mood for overtime today.
  • Husband grousing for you to stop shopping online? The diarrhea button can be your little way of saying, "You just bought me a new pair of shoes, fucker!"
You know, it's not like I don't have anything better to do. I'd better quit pushing the diarrhea button and get back to some of those better things. Better than the diarrhea button, you say? Well, if I could stop typing "diarrhea button" long enough to post, yes - I do have better things to do. But none so instantly gratifying.

ps: diarrhea button

25 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

A homie in your bra? That sounds downright perverted. On the part of the homie, that is.

And the diarrhea button. Um, yeah, absolutely disgusting. And no, I don't want to picture Aunt Bea, no way, no how, aint' gonna.

diarrhea button

8:09 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Mike said...

You know, I was just thinking the other day that no one had yet managed to incorporate homies in a bra, peeing midgets, and diarrhea all into one post.

Will wonders never cease?

8:16 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Uh, how long was the Homie in your bra? Where you not aware of him/it while you were wearing said garment?

I cannot imagine what kind of psyche a voyeur would have who desires to watch a midget pee!

I think I have inadvertently encountered the cover of Crack Whores of America on the Internet, as well as the real thing on the streets of Louisville.

The diarrhea is, uh… interesting. No, it is simply shit.

8:18 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

You are now officially, way too fucking crazy.

Will you send me a homie for my bra? (maybe 2? They are small . . . the homies, I'm sayin')

8:55 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

All that about that diarrhea button, but no linky? Surely that's just an oversight...

9:14 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

what skeers me is that you didn't realize the homie was there.

Pee Midget Pee sounds too good to be true. Now, if they would just team up with Mini-Michael.

10:09 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

For you, Bucky:

There's a Homie in my bra/
he didn't come for nothin'/
and if he fucks with me/
I'll just press the 'rrea button...

Do the 'rrhea cha-cha-cha
for the Homie in my bra/
Take a trip or step in shit/
We all know that Coke is it!

Cokeacola, chips and 'mola, garganzola...le te da!

I coulda been somebody. I coulda been a contender...

Fin :o)

10:26 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

*applauds loudly for m_d*

10:27 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Ok..I know you are never gonna believe this but I have never watched a porn movie. I am almost 30 years old and never seen one...but a fucking midgit peeing video..are you fucking kidding me.
that is some hilarious shit.

10:34 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

Fart noises alway equal comdey gold. Love it.

I'm very sad that Don Knotts passed on. The man could do no wrong in my eyes, and never failed to crack me up.

The rest of the Andy Griffith cast? They can all suck my giant slalom.

10:41 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

Comedy gold too.

Dislexia fuckin'! It hate I.

10:42 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger hellokittn said...

I got nothin. I'm a little blinded by other things right now. BRB.

11:26 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

Huh. So does this make your breastesses "homey beacons"?

1:29 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Yeah, an oversight on MY part. Duh. I got the link, sent it to Hubby, and I could hear him pressing the button over and over and over again from his basement office. Greeeaaaaatttt.

8:47 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Hey! I have that title in my collection! Oh wait, wrong midget flick.

10:26 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

chchchchia, I'm gonna wear that shirt to work, it would speed up the process of all the Freudian crap . . . ya think?

10:32 AM, February 27, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Midget peeing porn? Are you kidding me? Who wakes up one morning and says, "Hey, I think I'll make a midget pee pee porn." And still, who wakes up one morning and says, "I would like to star in midget pee pee porn. I've always wanted to piss in my sexy black lingerie and have someone film it. And be a midget at the same time."

10:44 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

This post was surreal. In a good way. Sorta.

1:46 PM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger limpy99 said...

At least now I have a reason to feel creeped out by midgets. Or little people. Whichever.

3:58 PM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Is there a viking hat involved?

4:13 PM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger dashababy said...

Whoa! Somebodys' been busy over the weekend.
I just got Fri, Sat. & Sun. all in one shot. That'll teach me.
Where's the tums?

6:03 PM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger abcd said...

I don't usually look at blogs while
I am at work. I looked at yours
today-I saw the "BH" post. Well...
let me tell you it was the best part
of my day. I cried I laughed so hard.
I have NEVER shown a blog to anybody
I work with-but I showed that post
to a peer, he literally started
"snorting". I have NEVER heard this
man laugh that hard.

I will be stalking that post. Those
pictures are priceless. I needed that laugh today.


8:27 PM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

I wanted to tell you that I saw a lady yesterday on a bike wearing PINK LEATHER ASSLESS CHAPS!
She had a matching jacket to boot.

9:45 PM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Totally off subject of Midget Porn but guess what Pissy suprisingly huuuurd up on her Ipod this afternoon on the way home.
Like to have scared the shit outta me. hahah.
I guess when I downloaded your last drunken audio it downloaded into Itunes and you are now on my fucking hab. hahaha.

10:18 PM, February 27, 2006  
Anonymous jd's rose said...

Ewwwww! Just Ewwwww!

2:57 AM, February 28, 2006  

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