Reporting from Mom's place
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 12:44 PM
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Previously on the Cotillion
- The suspense is killin' ya, isn't it?
- I am at your mercy
- Riddle me this
- Ya want debauchery?
- Spring got a little sprung
- Not a word about bushes or boobs
- My bush is fine, thank you
- Goin' to the front room and we're gonna get ma-a-a...
- He'd kick Spiderman's webby ass any day
- Mama said knock you up
This space available for symposiums and shit.
Arrrrrrchives
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29 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
Talk about dedication!! A remotely-recorded audio-blog! Impressive:) I'll still refer to you as Katy Orgasmatronic:)
That was quite adorable, but you're still in a heap o' trouble, missy.
Ooh, this is getting good. Leave a comment for Katy Caverna, then come and see ME. We're making plans . . .
By the way, did y'all know that Bucky is actually away on a spiritual retreat on Saturday . . . then on Sunday she is helping out with the orphans' bell choir. She's like that, you know. She is SWEET.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
She is actually singing hymns at the local shelter with Sally Struthers and then bathing and pumicing the feet of the homeless and infirm. Truly, there's a place in heaven for this little cherub among men. All together now.
"Morning has broken..."
dc
I hear that Bucky has actually been fulfilling her duties of going door to door ministering to those poor souls who have not yet accepted Jesus as their personal savior, and she is doing this in her finest pink dress and lace gloves, with modest heels and a lovely parasol.
We are all lucky to have such a wonderful spritual leader as Ms. Bucky Four Eyes. I have heard it said that she makes rainbows seem brighter, kittens follow her where ever she goes and when she steps barefoot on the grass, violets spring to life.
I personally feel that I have been truly touched by her goodness and I am a better person for it.
Amen.
I read in the paper that Katy was teaching Sunday School the other day when she heard a sweet little kitten, stuck in a tree! Well, poor Katy was in her Sunday best (a lovely below-the-knee, pink and gingham frock with a collar of battenburg lace) and simply could NOT climb that tree to rescue the sweet little kitten! So she called 9-1-1 and the firemen came to rescue little Snookums (which is what Katy named her new kitty!). And Katy baked them some lovely snickerdoodles as a thank-you! Can you just imagine?!
It is also my understanding that Bucky likes to run gleefully with children through the Cotillian Meadow, barefoot and with joined hands singing;
"This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
The Age of Aquarius
Aquariuuuuuus, Aquaaaariuuuuus"
What wholesome, chaste, innocent, drug n' alchohol free, non-potty mouthed fun. Bless you, honeysuckle.
dc
And Bucky of the sweet, affectionate, agreeable, amiable, angelic, appealing, attractive, beautiful, beloved, charming, cherished, companionable, considerate, dulcet, fair, generous, gentle, good-humored, good-natured, kind, lovable, loving, mild, mushy, patient, pleasant, pleasing, precious, reasonable, sweet-tempered, sympathetic, tender, thoughtful, treasured, unselfish, winning, winsome, authentic, believable, dependable, down home, ethical, honest, honorable, mature, principled, realistic, responsible, righteous, saintly, secure, sensible, steadfast, straight,tried and true, true blue, trustable, trusty, truthful, unfailing, trustworthy, celibate, chaste, clean-living, ethical, exemplary, faithful, high-principled, honest, honorable, incorruptible, innocent, moral, noble, principled, pure, righteous, unsullied, untainted, untarnished, virginal, wholesome, worthy, adorable, beatific, beneficient, celestial, cherubic, devout, divine, entrancing, ethereal, good, humble, innocent, lovely, pure, righteous, self-sacrificing, virtuous, clean, continent, controlled, decent, decorous, elegant, immaculate, inexperienced, maidenly, modest, monogamous, proper, prudish, quiet, refined, restrained, simple, subdued, unaffected, unblemished, uncontaminated, undefiled, unstained, unsullied, unwed, vestal, virginal, and wholesome demeanor, countenance, attitude and character would never, ever welch on something she had given her word on. She's far too (see all of the above) for that. A church going woman like Bucky, who volunteers for the orphans, homeless and terminally ill children, would want to keep the example she sets for them.
:)
Oh yeah, kitties, rainbows, pink hair ribbons, unicorns, easter bunnies, kittens and puppies, wishes on stars, sugar and spice, long dresses - in pink and eyelet and all that other goody-goody gooey stuff.
Dear Katy,
I so enjoyed singing hymns with you at the shelter. Your sweet soprano so lifted my heart heavenward. And I wanted to thank you again for offering to give half of your income to Save the Children, for the next 40 months, in honor of your upcoming 40th birthday. You are truly a saint. Truly you are.
And you really didn't need to do my feet, too, but that's just the kind of lady you are, isn't it? Mother Teresa looks like pondscum next to you, Katy.
Your new friend,
Sally
To Bucky, the president of my fan club and a dear, dear friend. Thank you for being such a supportive fan through the years. Even after my decline. Your weekly letters gave me the pick up I needed.
Per your birthday request.
"It's a Sunshine Day (Everybody's Smiling)"
I think I'll go for a walk outside now,
The summer sun's calling my name, I hear it now.
I just can't stay inside all day,
I've got to get out, gimme some of those rays.
Everybody's smiling (sunshine day),
Everybody's laughing (sunshine day),
Everybody seems so happy today in the sunshine day.
Oooh. Can't you dig the sunshine?
Feel the sun and the rays.
Can't you hear it calling your name?
Happy Birthday pumpkin!!
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of Bucky's favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of Bucky's favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on her nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of Bucky's favorite things
.....
Can't wait to see you in Sunday School tomorrow morning, Bucky!
Dear Ms. Barzedor,
Thank you for your kind offer to sing at our upcoming crusade in Angola. We have the tape of traditional hymns that you sent, and we are most impressed. We would be honored to have you by our side as we continue to spread the Good News.
We will contact you with travel arrangements very soon.
With you in the Lord's work,
Billy
Katy dear, I just wanted to tell you that those Rice Krispy Treats you made for the last church social were positivly tops! I was wondering if you could give me the recipe you used, mine never come out as sweet. They were, dare I say, almost as good as the cupcakes you had made for the church baked goods sale at the senior citizens home to raise money for the needy retired folks here in our lovely community.
If only I could find it in my heart to be as loving, giving, understanding and patient as you are, maybe my boys would be so much better behaved. I aspire to your high standards. And I must say, my home looks just atrocious compared to your most lovely abode. How do you get your whites so white?
With you in prayer, love, and baking
June
Katy dear, are you quaking in your sensible shoes yet?
Katy got caught
Between the moon and New York City
I know its crazy
But its true
Katy got caught
Between the moon and New York City
Best that she could do
Best that she could do
Was fall in love
No mas! Mo mas! The sugar level in here is makin' me CHOKE!
And I would never rescue a kitten from a tree while wearin' my favorite gingham...
Uh, scratch that.
You people frighten me. Trememdously. Now I'm sorry I whined about the spank threats. A bruised, welty ass would be preferable to the slander you've all been spreadin' here.
Alright, Susie. What can I do to make this right? Uncle! Uncle!
Dear Kate,
We were delighted to hear that you will be joining us during the next Billy Graham Crusade. In order for you to come prepared, we have selected a song that you will have a prominant part in singing with the Gaither Homecoming Group. Please look over the attached material and make sure that you are familiar with the words so that we can join as one voice together in praising the Lord!
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah!
O Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kum ba yah!
O Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s crying, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s crying, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s crying, Lord, kum ba yah!
O Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s praying, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s praying, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s praying, Lord, kum ba yah!
O Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s singing, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s singing, Lord, kum ba yah!
Someone’s singing, Lord, kum ba yah!
O Lord, kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah!
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah!
O Lord, kum ba yah!
Yours in prayer and celebration,
Bill and Gloria Gaither
P.S. We would like for you to join us as part of our vocal group during our next Alaskan Homecoming Cruise. We know it is short notice, but we have been so impressed by your witness that we have secured a cot in a cabin for you on the dolphin deck. The cruise is June 5-12. If you need any further information, please feel free to find it here:
http://www.inspirationcruises.com/GaitherAlaska05small.pdf
and
http://www.gaithernet.com/events/cruise/.
Oops, didn't know that you had already cried uncle. 'Bout time!
Hi. Just wanted to let you know that the Gaithers, Billy Graham, Sally Struthers, and Barry Williams have all indeed sold their souls to me for their meager bits of fame. Don't for one minute think that they're going to heaven when they die.
Though, June Cleaver's a fictional character. Not sure where she popped up from...obviously some psychotic, delusional mind...
I think you should leave my good friend June alone. Fictional though she may be, she can still kick ass and take names.
I'll give ya the psychotic and delusional though.
Be careful what you are saying there Satan honey, or there will be no cookies when you get home, if you know what I mean.
Dear Ms. Barzedor,
News travels fast in our small community, as I'm sure you know. As head of the Flint Junior League's recruitment committee, I am always on the lookout for selfless, altruistic, elegant ladies who would be an asset to our organization.
You name has crossed my desk repeatedly in recent days. I am writing to extend to you an invitation to join the Junior League. I will sponsor you for membership, and "show you the ropes." Ha ha. (We do sometimes joke and carry on!)
Please join us for tea this afternoon at 3 p.m., in our small, but elegant offices on Maple Drive.
Very truly yours,
Maryann Ginger Howell
My doctor gave me your name and URL, following the procedure. Which, by the way, was very successful.
I cannot thank you enough for the foundation you established to help chaps like me. You see, I was one of them. I was an assless chap. (I'm from London, a dude is a chap, work with me here.)
My ass was so flat that my pants fell down almost every day. My wife had nothing to grab in those special moments, and I saw the way she looked at other men.
Then I heard about you and all the charitable work you do with assless chaps. Your foundation paid for the entire procedure, plus rehabilitation and a new wardrobe. Well, half a new wardrobe. The lower half.
Bless you, Bucky. On behalf of all the world's assless chaps, I thank you, from the bottom . . . well, from the bottom.
Pip pip and cheerio!
OK. (That assless dude just came to me in the middle of the night; couldn't let THAT go to waste!)
Here's the deal. Both SierraBella and I get pictures of you in the chaps. BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE.
To compensate for the pain and suffering of moi and all the other good people who bore witness to this heinous scammage, you must post a picture on your site of you, all dolled up in an outfit, and a scenario, similar to the ones your commenters have described here. NICE AND GIRLY.
Do we have a deal?
I think she also should have to sing a stirring rendition of Ave Maria while she's at it
Hey, Satan, miserable much?
Lighten up, dude.
Hey, Satan's Bitch, you sound pretty smart. You should kick his buzzkill ass to the curb and come over to our side. We got all the good stuff for this life, plus a better retirement plan!
Oh my, where did you hide the real Bucky?
I posted an homage to you, Bucky, on my http://sierravistas.blogspot.com/ site which should bring you back to your senses...
Barry Williams, you will always be Johnny Bravo to me:)
I can sooooo see this....
..."The Age of Aquarius
Aquariuuuuuus, Aquaaaariuuuuus"
in assless chaps, running across her mother's green grass in the front yard, delirious from an overdose-consumption of rum cake
Just waxing nostalgic. This was one of the best blogging times ever.
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