In nineteen sixty-five-five-five

I was hunted down and tagged by Jim, clad in his signature prom gown, and he would like me to tell you five weird things about myself. The original meme was to list five bad habits, but I think I talk about my bad habits here plenty enough. So I'll be like Jim and stick to the weirdness.

Shit. Now I have to think of five weird things that aren't already apparent to you.

Uno: I am wearing a pair of Skechers sneakers that just slip on - no shoelaces, no velcro. I love them enough to marry them. I think they are the greatest shoes ever invented, and when I found them in the bargain store, I bought three pairs. I'm glad, because I don't even see this style on their web site anymore. I take a lot of flak for the fact that I'm too lazy to lace or velcro, but you know what? I've got a grabby little pucker for your tongue.

Dos: I own an embarassing number of guitars for someone who so rarely plays, and I would rather shove a pointy party hat up my ass than change the strings myself.
Anybody got a pointy party hat?

Tres: I once told Mitch Ryder that I used to listen to "Jenny Take a Ride" on my Close n' Play. Mitch did not look amused.

Fouro: I wouldn't want to live in a world without anal sex crab legs.

Fiveo: Let me list various items strewn about me in my home office: tampon angel, stuffed Opus penguin with a garter on his head, three skull shot glasses, pretzels, monkey pillow, Play-Doh in three separate areas of the room, mega butter body butter, broken penis candle, other monkey pillow, four (visible) Babylon 5 figurines, seventeen (visible) Homies, Guitar Army by John Sinclair (don't tell me you are shocked I have hippie relics about my house), a mismatched Flintstones alarm clock and wristwatch, and a toothbrush with a handle so thick and so bright pink that I'm almost afraid it will ejaculate if I stick it in my mouth.