the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Shopping the light fantastic

Perhaps I shop with a different eye than everyone else (I don't mean the brown eye - I think everyone shops a little bit with that). Sometimes I see products and displays that just make me stand, awestruck, for a few minutes, like I just wet my pants and don't know what to say about it. Of course, then I remember that I have a camera phone, and through the miracle of technology, I can share my trips through the store with You, the Internet as a Whole.

I was browsing the merchandise in Target a few weeks ago when I happened upon this sign:

cha cha cha

Now, those of you who are normal (I know there must be at least a few of you) will look at this and say, "So fucking what? A girl with a purse, and a stupid 'cha cha cha' tagline. What's your problem?"

My problem is that I cannot see "cha cha cha" and not preface it with "diarrhea" - it's something I can't help, much as I can't change the tide or keep my desk organized for more than 15 minutes. And since the advertising folks at Target weren't accommodating enough to actually put the word "diarrhea" on there, all I can think of is that the girl is carrying a purseful of...diarrhea, cha cha cha. That's just gross. So why does she look supremely pleased about it? Is she planning to launch the contents of her purse at a romantic rival? Come to think of it, that would be pretty sweet. Diarrhea at ten paces, to the death.

This afternoon, I was wandering the aisles of the dollar store when a rather, um, unusual cleaning product caught my eye.

Red rocket

When I see "red rocket," all I can think of is the South Park episode where the boys are jacking off Stan's dog and chanting "Red rocket!" So, seeing this in the store only brought questions to mind, like "Is this made from dogs' penises, or is it made to clean dogs' penises? And since dogs constantly lick their own penises, how much cleaner could this shit get 'em?" Also, why is the little alien guy so fucking impressed by the cleaner/degreaser? If his civilization is advanced enough for interstellar travel, don't you think they have something even more advanced than this to polish their dogs' penises? You can't tell me he wasn't bribed.

If you think this is bad, just wait 'til you see my photo essay from the All Weiners, All the Time warehouse.

9 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger eclectic said...

At our house, we refer to the "red rocket" as "The dog is wearing pink lipstick." Have fun shopping for make-up now.

11:18 PM, March 07, 2007  
Blogger Maven said...

See, and when I think of Red Rocket, I think of vibrators...

Perhaps the funniest post I've read in a long time:)

4:17 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

Bucky, I'm awestruck. You've surpassed yourself. I just feel like retiring my blogger's license right here and now. How your mind works....

4:23 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

Geeze. Somehow your blog disappeared from my bloglines and here I thought you'd quit postin'. Must blow off work & settle in for a Bucky Update. Good to see the move didn't knock lose that juvie humor we know & love. (I had the same South Park thought at the Red Rocket pic!)

4:43 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger Kranki said...

I totally want to hang out with you.

5:54 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

"Doesn't everybody have a bag full of poo? I mean, what do you fling at passing cars when they try to knock you off the sidewalk?"
-Creepy lady on the sign

7:22 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

How I remember diarhea cha cha cha.

I wondered if that's what you were going for when I saw the picture in Flickr.

7:43 PM, March 08, 2007  
Blogger ALRO said...

Now you're just being funny!
tell me something...
What is the history behind you associating Cha Cha Cha with Poop??!

3:23 PM, March 09, 2007  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

ALRO - I'm sure the song is older than this, but I got it from Beavis and Butthead (every time Daria would walk into their vicinity, they'd both chant "Diarrhea, cha cha cha!").

4:39 PM, March 09, 2007  

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